Name of my Love | on hold

three

Chasing Lights

I'm now following him, keeping a safe distance. He saunters down the slanting road with his hands in pockets, and his posture amazingly upright. I frantically pivot my head from one side to the other, analysing the surroundings. It is a known fact that I would probably forget the ways soon. Roadways are tough to memorize.

A few people walk past me, and some stare me unreasonably. It is either my foreign looks they seem to indulge their eyes on or something I'm unaware of. I wipe my mouth with the half-sleeve of my T-shirt, just in case there is something on my face. When I pass by someone staring at me like they would eat me alive, I stare them back in the most crudest way possible, showing my resting bitch face. And it works, on most of them.

The buildings and apartments in this part of Seoul are a bit congested and overlapping with narrow alleys in between. Shops are just spread indiscriminately at the edges of main road and I have crossed some clothes and accessories shop, some seem like posh boutiques, and out of my league, too.

The sun is reddening and transforming into a sinking ball now, signalling its departure. The footpath is a little crowded compared to earlier and because of the distance and my small height, I find difficulty in locating him. Oh damn, where is he?

I jog making way out of few people, trying to chase him. I cannot afford to lose him, I would be lost forever if so.

I see patches of the sea-green hoodie amidst of the small crowd, standing near the bus-stop. I hastily walk towards the said direction keeping my eyes fixed on him. He is consumed in music. His ear-canals are fitted with earphones and his head is slightly bopping to the beats. I heave a sigh of relief when I reach a bit more closer, and now we're separated by two people. A young couple. They are holding hands, talking to each other in soft tones, and the giggles in-between whenever one of them jokes
- mostly the guy - fill me up with pacific thoughts. They are an adorable wall between him and me.

And because of the cute couple, I stay a bit distracted from the anxiety which gets the best of me time to time. Watching them, deviates my mind from all the trepidation that swirls in my mind.

No one seems to be bothered with anyone else around. They are all busy in their own little worlds. Some waiting for the buses, some indulged in their phones, those with friends are chit-chattering and few are with their air-phones and headphones on. Mostly the young ones, like him. While me? I'm learning to dissolve myself in the crowd.

A bus stops in front, and a mass of people start flowing inside it, and I see him hauling on it too, followed by the couple next to him. And although I am not ready to go in with no money at all to pay, I am forced into it. I couldn't go against the flow, not in this rush where I am pulled along with the crowd cohesively. My force against it seemed worthless and now I stand in front of the machine which is scanning cards. Almost all the people I saw stepping in swiped their transportation cards over it.

I stand stupefied, staring at anything and anyone. A lady from my back surprises me by yelling at me, sounding irritated. It doesn't take time to realize the reason behind -- I'm blocking the way. I quickly crawl my soles to the side and stick around it, many pass by me. The conductor who is sitting besides the transportation card-scanner glares at me. When everyone settle themselves inside, he stands up and asks me to insert my card or for cash, or so I guess. I stay deeply rooted at my spot, unable to accumulate enough strength to deal with it. Slightly nervous.