Name of my Love | on hold

seven

Artificial Name

I have been roaming around the empty arena of my mind ever since he left me alone to ponder and consider his offer. It would be tough to avoid the gale-wind on my way if I choose to do something without sufficient thought. But overthinking is taking me nowhere good either.

Is he anyhow beguiling me with his charms?

No matter what lies beneath the lake surface, my reflection is what I can see. I wouldn't know what awaits in the depth until I jump into the waters. But it would be sheer foolishness if I impulsively take action without knowing how deep it is. If I don't decide it now, I would be stuck in this limbo for maybe just a few more hours but that is going to be it. No more choices.

Think pristinely.

I have been thinking about the pros and cons since this morning. Well, it's pretty dangerous to incline to the offers of a total stranger who claims to be a manga artist. Nonetheless I'm attracted towards the door of the opportunities he diligently opened for me, to perhaps trap me in the inescapable bait he may have laid. I sigh. Taking risk is pretty worth it considering the fundamental card which clearly states that there is no other road for me. If I decline his offer, then surely, I would be soon found death in a pit. Even hell would pity me.

If there's furrow in front, then there's a trench behind. One step wrong and I would get squeezed into the bridge between life and death without any second chance.

I circle around the kitchen, then surf through the books of the study room one after the other, then finally, get back to the room I stayed for the night. Hailing on the bed with a drowsy scowl, I sigh. Should I dig up some information about him?

It would be disrespectful to go check out his things but I'll have to make sure to be on the safer side. I'll just see if he has stored anything alarming, something in particular which might cause harm to my freedom, mankind or whatsoever. Just a quick glimpse won't hurt. I promise not to get into his private things.

I saunter over to his bedroom door persuading the other half of me which is intransigent about my groundless convictions. I stand in front of the teak, debating with my two halves. My intuitions say he isn't the bad guy of the book of my life but I can't rely on it blindly. Can I? Of course not.

My fingers clasp around the door knob and I warily turn it down. The door creaks as I push it an inch wider. The moment I cast my eyes inside, a sloshing wave of guilt spatters over me which directs me to close the door. No no no, this is so wrong. He trusted me enough to leave me alone at his home without caring about his valuables and money. I shouldn't do this.

Not his room. I have been to his room before and there was nothing eye-catching. And it's a man's room for god's sake. Don't. Keep your sanity concrete.

Alright. My mind is so messed up. If there's god then please help me choose what's right. I hope I can count on my conscience in a situation like this.

God.

I softly bang my head against the door, cursing myself. A swirling loop forms within my gut forming gurgling inside my stomach which translates itself into a desperate growl. I'm hungry. What's the time? My appendages automatically guide me down the stairway, and I quickly beeline for the fridge, after giving a quick flash at the clock. Ten thirty, already?

Even after being overly consumed with eccentric thoughts, I luckily do not fail to notice the neon colour note sticking over the fridge's maroon surface.