Imbalance

▪︎Chapter Forty One▪︎

8:00a.m, I returned to the dreaded courthouse to await my fate after restlessly tossing and turning all night. I couldn't possibly sleep knowing that there was a chance that I'd be found guilty of crimes I knew I didn't commit although I had no recollection to prove it. Unlike yesterday's proceedings, there hadn't been as large of a crowd and I was quite possible for me to hear a mouse piss on cotton. It was that quiet as those in attendance seemed to be just as anxious as I was to hear the verdict. Amongst those in attendance was my father who was once again unaccompanied by my mother. It hurt knowing that I didn't have her support but I refused to dwell on my emotions, I had much bigger problems to be concerned about. Naddy was able to secure a late start to her work day so she too was present. I breathed a little lighter knowing that I had a support system, even if it was small.

My leg bounced uncontrollably once the judge made his appearance and went through the necessary formalities. Perusing the faces of the jury, even the middle age woman who had pleasantly smiled with her eyes shot me a look that I couldn't quite decipher. I swallowed the lump that had suddenly formed in my throat and began sweating bullets. Despite my attorney's advice, I no longer fought to maintain my composure. I was beyond nervous and refused to conceal that fact any more. Several agonizing minutes passed before the judge finally addressed the jury.

"Has the jury reached a verdict?" His booming voice resonated across the entire courtroom.

"Yes your honor," one of the jurors stood up and announced,"we the jury find the defendant Thau Harvey on twelve counts of murder in the first degree."

I gagged once the guilty verdict settled on my eardrums and marinated in my mind. I truly felt sick to my stomach, being in the profession since I was twenty-three years old I knew my sentencing would be beyond harsh. My shoulders heaved as I wept openly, my sobs overpowering the gasps that had escaped the mouth of the few who were in attence. I wept not only for myself but for my princess.

I vowed to myself and her that I'd be the best father I could once Thana departed our lives, yet here I was guilty of murder and about to possibly spend the rest of my life behind bars. After the tears subsided, I glanced behind me only to find Naddy with her arms wrapped tightly around my father, trying to console him all while keeping her own tears at bay. It didn't bother me that society labeled me as a menace, what hurt the most was knowing that I'd failed the people most important to me.

My distraught father and best friend made their exit shortly before the judge indicated that he'd proceed with the setencing hearing. I didn't blame them for leaving, my supposed guilt was in itself too much to bear. After reviewing his documents, Judge Cadwin was ready to voice his decision.

"Mr. Harvey, I hereby sentence to life imprisonment without the possibility of parole."

Staring mindlessly ahead, I became paralyzed upon hearing my sentence. Unable to move, I appeared almost lifeless. All of the emotions had suddenly vacated my being as I became numb. I could hear my attorney rambling on about an appeal but the only thing that kept replaying over and over again in my mind was the fact that I'd rot in prison. Still dazed, I felt myself being yanked from my seat and handcuffs being roughly fastened around my wrists. I was being manhandled like the criminal they assumed I was.

Once the brute officer was satisfied that with the amount of pain he had inflicted on my wrists, I was escorted out the courtroom and through an eager crowd of reporters all hoping to secure a statement from me. However, I kept my head down and declined to answer any questions. Although it was still morning, my energy level was depleted to near zero. I longed for nothing more than to be left alone and to sleep for a very long time.

It seemed as though I had gotten a head on my quest for slumber as I felt myself being nudged awake. Now back on the prison's premises I was escorted inside and immediately taken to change into my jumpsuit. Trading in my wing tipped dress shoes, I was handed the second hand prison slip ons. After being decked out in prison attire I was taken to myself then uncuffed. Though I appreciated having Nolan as a cellmate I was grateful that he hadn't been present at the moment. I desperately wanted to sleep and somehow forget the morning's happens and I knew that wouldn't be possible if he was here.