Shitty Poems

I'm Tired

I'm tired of being here.

In this life,

On this earth,

In this time.

I'm tired of people telling me

To be yourself

Only to criticise me

When I do something 'wrong'

And try to control

Everything I do.

I'm tired of people saying

That my poetry

Isn't poetry.

Because it doesn't rhyme

Or because it doesn't flow well.

People criticised Leigh Hunt

Because of the flow

Of his poetry.

Free verse exists too.

I'm tired of people not listening

And telling me

They don't hear me

Because I speak to quietly.

Later they tell me

That I talk too much.

I'm tired of overthinking

Everything all the time.

I'm tired of freaking out

Over little things

And people seemingly

Needing to tell me

That I have no reason

To freak out over it.

I know. I know.

I've already thought about that.

And now I'm freaking out over it.

I'm tired of people saying

That my sexuality

Isn't valid

And that I'm just 'confused'.

I'm tired of people saying

That I can't be bisexual

And believe in God

At the same time.

I'm tired of people saying

I'm homophobic

Because I'm Christian.

I'm tired of people saying

That I am a sinner

Because I am bisexual.

I prayed so long

To not be who I am.

I prayed to not be bisexual

And when I finally

Come to terms with it,

When I finally

Accept it as part of me,

When I'm finally

Proud of it

Enough to share it...

I'm now a sinner

And homophobic.

I'm tired of people thinking

That those thoughts haven't

Crossed my mind before.

I'm tired of people asking

'Why are you gay?'.

I'm tired of people asking

'Why are you Christian?'.

And then proceeding to tell me

Why I shouldn't be.

I'm tired of people questioning

My sexuality and faith for me,

I feel that perhaps,

That is something

That I should be doing.

Then again,

I'm probably wrong.

Better to control what I think

Than to have me mess it up

By being myself.

I'm tired of people telling me

To kill myself

And that I'm useless

And then saying I'm depressed

When I believe it

And start saying those things myself.

I'm tired of my family

And even some friends

Doing these things

Almost everyday.

I'm tired of listening

To my parents joking

That if one of their children

We're gay,

They would send them

Back to the Philippines

To have the gay

Punched out of them.

I'm tired of being scared

To be who I am.

I'm tired of people saying

That I should choose

Between being bisexual;

Being free and myself

And believing in God,

Who has gotten me through

Days I would have become too tired

Of this life

And leave.

And the people

Who tell me to choose

Act like there is a right answer.

I'm tired of crying

Myself to sleep every night.

I'm tired of waiting

For someone to catch me

When I fall,

Someone to love,

Someone who would want my love,

Someone who would want me.

I'm tired of lying to myself

Saying 'you're okay'

'Everything will be alright'

'You're not bad at this'

'You're not stupid'

'You deserve at least

One more day on earth'

I'm just...

I'm tired.