Letters to my Ex

Letter 9

Dear ex,

It's been a while. A few months have passed and I'm not angry or depressed anymore. I've spent nights when I would cry myself to sleep because I was never good for you but I've also had nights where I've reminisced and if I should fully let you go or not.

I should hate you for what you have done but for some odd reason, I feel guilty instead. Guilty maybe because I wasn't good enough for you. Guilty because you couldn't feel the same around me.

You're graduating in a week and I'm proud of you. I shouldn't be though. I should have this roaring anger inside of me and every time I think of you, I should want to kill you.

But I don't. I want you to live your life but at the same time, I want you to learn from our relationship. I want you to understand that if you cheat on the one you 'love' that you're a coward for it. You should get punished for it.

I could key your car, 'accidentally' trip you over that you somehow break your leg and you can't play in games for a whole season. Or I could shave off that gorgeous mop of blonde hair somehow...

But I haven't.

And you should be over the moon for that. You should thank me for it. I haven't burnt any of your clothes or peaked your nudes.

It's not like most girls on campus haven't seen them anyway...

But I hope you have a better life. I hope you find a loving wife who you love so much that you won't think for a split second that it's necessary to cheat on her. I hope you have beautiful children that are the reason why you smile everyday. Or I hope that you get that house that you think is the perfect family home.

But on a more serious note, I hope you stop going to parties just for the sake of it. I hope you stop drinking excessive amounts of alcohol in a small time frame that you can't remember half of the things you done the night before. I hope you don't cheat on another girl.

I hope I'm the last one of yours that had to suffer heartbreak from you because you cheated on me. And I hope you don't use your pathetic excuses like "we weren't good for each other" or the one used on me: "I'm not ready for a relationship."

Girls these days shouldn't have to be shot down because you're not ready. If you feel like you can't commit to me one hundred percent, then don't send me hearts. Don't make me contemplate to my friends if I should grow some balls and ask you out first. And don't you dare say that you like me and you want to be together and then a couple of weeks late you end up using that pathetic excuse.

It's simple. You had two years to say to me that you weren't ready for a relationship, but you wanted to wait it out, because hey, I'm single, I look decent and a good fuck and chuck and we'll see how long you can put up with me and make me fall to my knees for you because I love you and you can't return the favor.

If you feel like I'm a waste of your time, tell me. Because I could be in love with someone else but I'm in a relationship with you. I'm in love with you. But you? No, I basically fill in the spare time for you.

So I hope that you find someone new and I hope that you don't break their heart like you did with mine.