One Shots // Seaycee

things that i miss

Dear Sean Lew,

to the boy who have all of my heart but unfortunately now yours is occupied with someone else.

Hey, remember me?

It's Kaycee. Kaycee Caitlin Rice. Your ex-best friend, ex-partner, ex-lover. Now to think about it, of course you remember me. We used to spend every day seeing each other faces and not getting bored of it. But now, it seems like you are just a shadow in my room that I have to let go.

You know Sean, we have been going on separate ways since a year ago. I know this is what's best for us but for the love of God, Lew, you have no idea how much I miss you so much every day.

It feels weird waking up and not seeing you as my first view in the morning. It feels weird going to the studio and not being paired with you anymore. It feels weird seeing your Instagram post with this new girl I had no idea about.

It sucks that we used to promise each other how we are going to be on each other's side but now I lost you. And now I am afraid to do some crazy things because I know that you will not be there for me.

Tuesday has always been a torture for me. Because we used to be so excited about the whole Sean and Kaycee's Youtube channel—of your stupid reviews that always makes me laughed but now they just left me in tears. What breaks me too is the fact that Tuesday has went silent.

No matter how much I scroll through and try to refresh our Youtube page—the latest post that we do was a year ago. On that 24-hour Chinese restaurant. When you ordered some dumplings and said that Miya cooks better dumplings than that restaurant. The day before you told me that you was not sure about how you feel about me.

Remember that Sean?

Talking about Miya (and Cheuk). I always wonder about how are they doing? Are they fine? What did they tell you the day we broke up?

I miss your parents too.

I don't know if you know this, Sean. But a week after the break up Miya called me and we cried together. She said she has always sees me as her daughter and what have happened to us feels like losing a child for her.

She said that if I needed anything, I could just call her. "Maybe Sean does not accept you anymore in his life, but I love you so much Kaycee that I could never imagine one of my daughter away from me." That's what your mother told me.

But I never called her again after that. God, I have no audacity to. No matter what, you are still her son and I guess—it is better for her to lose me than her losing you.

Let it just be me who lose a beautiful soul like you and no one else shall to.

I heard that you moved out from your apartment. Josh said that you threw away some stuff that was related to me—I was angry and sad. But whom am I to be mad at you anyway? I am nothing anymore for you.

I miss the way we used to cuddle in your bedroom and me staying over in your apartment whenever I felt tired and needed comfort.

Sometimes I forget that we are not together anymore. Sometimes I still drive down the road to your old apartment just to find out that you are not living there anymore and that we broke up already.

We were silly and naive. I thought that giving you all the love I had was enough to keep us together but now you left me empty and heart-broken.

My world has been dull and dark lately. All I needed is to see you. The way your dimples popped on the corner of your lips whenever you smile. The way you tie your hair in that stupid way—even Zoi called you a pineapple head because of that weird tie.