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15 | Sacrificial Lamb

“That’s what they said! Para pagtakpan ‘tong babaeng ‘to! Pero nalaman ko mismo kay Daryl noong naabutan ko silang nagtatalo noong isang araw. Sinabi ni Daryl sa akin na siya ang suspect sa pagkamatay ni Kojack! Sinabihan sila ni Ms. Cris na ‘wag ipaalam sa iba ang nangyari.

“Kaya pinakiusapan ako ni Daryl na ‘wag ipagsabi kahit kanino ang nalaman ko, so I did. I remained silent about it, kahit pa gustong-gusto ko na i-broadcast sa buong Shigiyama ang ginawa mo. But you killed Daryl! Now I couldn’t remain silent anymore! You’re a murderer! You killed our classmates!” Malakas na sigaw ni Charm habang dinuduro ako. I couldn’t even react, I just stood there frozen. I couldn’t find the exact words to say to defend myself.

Hanna came rushing beside me just like Hitomi did and held my hand. “Sinungaling ka! Walang sinabi si Yoondae sa amin tungkol d’yan! Dahil kung totoo man ‘yan, sasabihin niya sa amin dahil mga kaibigan niya kami!”

I started shaking after hearing what she just said. I am afraid. Sure they will be disappointed once they know the truth. “We will tell everything about us to each other from now on.” I still remember Hitomi’s words, clear as the day. But I kept about this matter a secret. But I didn’t had a choice. I had to keep it secret because I don’t want them to worry.

Charm laughed mockingly. “Then ask her! Mali ba ako Yoondae?” She asked, challenging me. Hanna, Hitomi, Chin and the rest of the class fell into silence, waiting for my answer.

Should I just lie about it? Hindi naman sila basta-basta maniniwala kay Charm, kahit anong mangyari maniniwala pa rin sila sa kung anong lalabas sa bibig ko—dahil mga kaibigan ko sila. Or maybe I should just tell a white lie so it wouldn’t hurt that much? No, bullspit. There’s no such thing such as white lies. We only call our lies white because it would make us feel less guilty. All lies are black. Dahil mga kaibigan ko sila, hindi nila deserve ang kasinungalingan. I’m sure they’ll understand me.

After arguing with myself, I have finally decided. Just as when Hitomi held my hand. “Di ba hindi naman totoo ang sinabi niya? She's just spreading lies. Alam kong sasabihin mo sa amin kapag may problema ka dahil mga kaibigan mo kami.”

I felt my knees trembled. My eyes started to heat up. But despite that, I forced myself to remain calm and composed before facing the three of them.

“Everything that she said about Kojack’s death… they are all true,” I watched how the color drained on their faces. Lumuwag din ang hawak nila sa kamay ko na naging dahilan ng pagbitaw nila. Sa kabila noon ay itinuloy ko pa rin ang pagpapaliwanag. “Except from I killed Kojack or anyone from this class. Ako ang suspect, oo, dahil nakita nila ‘yong nawawalang hoodie ko malapit sa crime scene pero hindi ibig sabihin no’n na ako na ang pumatay–”

“Pero hindi mo man lang sinabi sa amin?” Hitomi asked in an accusing tone.

I shook my head, I wasn’t expecting this kind of reaction. I thought they would understand.

“Hindi niyo naiintindihan, I had to keep–”

“Yoondae, ayun na nga. Hindi namin maiintindihan dahil hindi mo naman sinabi sa amin.” Hanna cut me off, the same accusing tone was evident in her voice.

This time, hindi ko mapigilang magalit. I clenched both of my fists as hard as I could until I felt my nails digging into my palms. I didn’t even realize that I don’t feel the pain from it. Something in my chest hurts and it’s way more painful.