Powerless {A.K.}

34.

"Makes sense. But no one is going to die today." I saw, sticking my board up beside hers.

"So who's going first?" She asks, smirking some. We all look at her like lost puppies.

"Pussies." She laughs, pulling her shirt off. I couldn't help but stare. I tried not to, I just couldn't help it. She was beautiful. I didn't wanna miss a thing.

She tossed her shirt and shoes over to the towels we had scattered around and grabbed her board, placing the ankle tie on her before walking out to the ocean.

"Are you gonna make a move or just stare at her ass?" Otto says and I shake my head, looking away.

"I- uh- s-sorry." I stutter out, rubbing the back of my neck.

"Just go make a move, dumbass." Geoff says, pointing at my board. I grab it and run out to her, frantically throwing my shirt back towards the boys as I attach the board to my ankle.

"You sure do seem eager." She says, laughing some as we sits on her board, waiting for me. I copy her and attempt to balance on my board, looking over at her.

"Ready?"

"No but I'm still gonna try." I say and she smiles some.

"I was the same way. Follow me." She lays down and paddles with her arms to make her way out to the deeper water. I follow behind, frantically paddling.

We get out to the deeper water and she sits up, placing her hands to her sides, feeling the water. I paddle up beside her and sit up, watching.

"What are you doing?"

"Wave watching. You gotta wait for the right one."

"How do you know which one is right?" I say, looking out at the forming waves.

"Its the one that terrifies you most."

She starts paddling out as fast as she can, diving her board under a wave before coming back out the other side,  continuing to paddle. I watch, scared to go with. She stops and turns as a massive wave comes up behind her. She paddles back towards the shore before pushing herself up effortlessly gliding along the water as the wave pushes her. It was incredible.

She whips the board around and goes under a tunnel. I can see her hand touching the side as it falls over top of her. She comes back out the other side and whips the board around once again, coming my direction. The wave dies out and she falls into the water, unable to keep stable without the momentum. I paddled to her in a panic. She grabs the board and pulls herself up, sitting on it beside me.

"What do you think?" She asks, smiling as she whips her hair out of her face.

"I think you're the most incredible human being I have ever met." I say and she laughs.

"Thanks Awsten. That's really nice." She stares out at the waves, smiling some.

"You believed me?"

"Why wouldn't i?"

"You used to never believe me when I complimented you."

"I used to never believe anyone. I thought I was worthless. I never believed the saying that you have to love yourself in order to love someone else but it's not wrong. Truth is, I didn't love myself. I hated myself. I truly hated myself. I didn't know how to balance between loving you and loving myself. You breaking up with me was the best thing that ever happened to me." She says, looking over at me. The words burned deep inside me. She was happier without me.

"I thought I made you worse."

"No, you made me grow up. You made me learn to love and let go. Yeah, it hurt like hell at the time, but it was for the best. I don't hate you for it. I never did." Her voice didn't shake at all. She didn't hesitate. She didn't question her own wording. She truly had learned to love herself.

"I'm proud of you."

"I'm proud of me too, Awsten." She smiles, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

"Happiness looks good on you." I say, looking down at the board as the water flows over top of it.

"You're wrong about something. You know that?"

"What?"

"Conflicted doesn't look good on you. Where did you lose your happiness, Awsten?"

"It left with you."