Powerless {A.K.}

22.

Lightning crashes down and thunder blasts through my surroundings. Everything was so loud and the rain poured so hard I could barely see. All I knew was i was running. That's all I could do. Voices echoed and resonated within me and screamed as i tried to cover the noise. Failure. That one word. Repeated over and over and over again until i felt I had reached the brink of insanity. Failure. That's all you have ever been and thats all you ever will be. The voice of my mother repeating this statement gradually presented itself more and more as I ran faster, losing my sight and peace of mind. Everything was chasing me. I could never escape my past. I could never escape what I did or who i was. I could never escape her.

"Tori- baby- wake up!" Awsten whispers, gently pushing me some. I jolt awake and jump at the sudden contact. My heart was beating out of my chest. I felt like everyone within the radius of 5 miles could hear it rapidly booming in attempts to bust free from my rib cage. I was breathing so weirdly that my lungs could deflate. Everything had fallen apart and I had let it.

"I'm sorry- i- I didn't mean to- I'm sorry i-" I ramble on, crying. Awsten cuts me off, pulling me into his chest. I cry, pressing my face against his chest. His arms snake around me and the roar of my nightmare slowly melts away at the slightest touch from him.

"It was just a bad dream. I'm here. I'm not leaving, ever." He whispers reassuringly, placing kisses on the top of my head.

"I'm sorry. I didn't want you to see this." I apologize, absolutely ashamed of myself. No one had ever seen this side of me except for Jack. It was supposed to stay that way.

"Don't be sorry, Tori. it's all gonna be okay. I promise." He says and i sigh. I wish it was that easy. I wish i could just snap out of it and let go of everything.

"Is this why you haven't been sleeping?" He asks and I nod some. He doesn't question it and i'm relieved. I wasn't ready to talk about this side of me yet. I wasn't ready for anyone else to be trapped by me. No one deserved that.

"I'm right here, try to sleep, okay?" He says and i nod, snuggling into his chest. His arms tighten their grip around me as he pulls the blanket up around us both. We eventually drift back off to sleep.

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"What do mean she hasn't slept in 3 days? Awsten how could you let that happen?!"

"I didn't know! She stays on your bus, i assumed you guys got your heads out of your asses long enough to realize it! She hasn't slept, she hasn't ate. Fuck. Geoff had to get her to eat pizza yesterday."

"You know we fucking pay attention to her."

"Do you? Have you noticed all the extra makeup lately to hide the fact that she hasn't slept? Have you noticed that she's been scratching at her arms and wearing only my oversized hoodies? When's the last time you saw her smile and actually mean it?"