And I Had Darkened

Chapter 8 A Friend

I was stunned completely stunned and didn't know what to say but Marelda's voice had snapped me out of it, my world turning to normal again, as she pressed her hand on mine and said.

"Of course I will but you'd have to be my friend too and no take backs!!" The voice in my mind seemed to back off as Marelda spoke. My head furiously nodded as no words formed in my mouth. Marelda had laughed a bit and proclaimed to the world like a hero saying it will slay the dragon.

"I, Marelda or you can call me Mar" And winked. "Is now Leyahs' friend and she mine."
My body felt warm and light like it was floating in the clouds. Like my being had finally started to feel more things other than pain.

Mar and I ended up talking through the late evening as darkness descended upon us. I told Mar I didn't bring clothes and she gladly gave me some. It my fault for not bringing extra clothes other than this dress and my hunting gear, which I left in the carriage. I'd have to call the coachman later for those.

I felt a little bit tired after our 5 hour conversation, jumping from topic to topic and lying where I couldn't tell her the truth. It hurts like hell, lying was so easy back then but now lying to Mar felt like I was stabbing her on the back. I lied about my family and my childhood, I made it seem like a fantasy, something I would have wanted to grow up like.

We ended up in the conversation about love and I told her little things about Orion, the little things he did that made me happy. I told her all the good things, though there was many bad things. I was a coward for not facing the other side of Orion but..my heart can't take it.

I'll pretend..like how I am right now, pretending I'm a girl with memories filled with nothing but happiness and has nothing to worry about.

"So this Orion guy what was he like?" Mar was fiddling with her curly hair for the 5th time now, which made me very curious about what her hair felt like compared to mine.

I imagined for a bit, how Orion's hair was like, his face before I started seeing nothing but undying hate or sorrow. "He was like a fox, overprotective yet kind, a bit lazy too. He always gives me lazy smiles that use to light up my day. His touch was soft, always soft like he didn't want to hurt me. And"

I stopped for a moment, contemplating if I should say it or not. I ended doing so. "And he was there when I needed him most." Mar seemed entranced by my last words, her eyes becoming soft and warm. She gave me a little chuckle. "He seems kind. I'm glad he was there for you."

My heart beat went faster just a tiny bit. Right, he was there for me and I forever will be happy for that.

Mar's expression became grave, a little distant, a little like me. "Why did you say use to?" I gulped, shocked by words. I didn't realize I said that, I didn't but it was true. He use to me make me happy, use to make me smile like nothing in the world can stop me, use to make me feel loved. But now all I feel is anger, sorrow and a bit of hopeful.

The memory keeps jabbing me in the heart, the day I saw him with Lilac. On the same bed, doing unholy things, acting upon desire. I stayed by the door, back leaning against it and knees tucked tight. An overwhelming desire pulsed through me, to kill my own sister. To make her leave this world because she took away the one thing that made me happy, hope that this nightmare won't last forever.

But instead I sat there waiting until they would notice me, silently crying until no tears formed at all. They didn't notice me, they don't even know I was there. It gives me hope...that maybe that was just a nightmare, an awful one. But I knew it wasn't..because it made my heart ache with love and hate.

Nightmares doesn't have love, all it has is anger and pain. It's loyal yet not and will stay with you forever, like a best friend with a knife pointed behind your back. Waiting to strike.

A warm hand touched my face and wiped away something on my face. I didn't realize I start to cry again. So I cried while Mar didn't say a word. I think she didn't know what to say to me, towards the problem she clearly saw with me and Orion. I needed to get it out, needed to let this anger out or else I might drown in it.

"He, I saw him with Li-" A huge thud shook the building leaving me looking at Mar in panic.

"Don't worry. Stay here." Mar quickly gave me a hug and ran down the stairs. I stayed siting on the couch, looking out towards the window, without much company other than my own. So the voice started talking again.

Is worth it? Having a friend?

Yes, it is.

Let me rephrase that. Are you worth enough to have a friend?

I didn't say anything, instead I pushed that voice deep down my soul, locked it away, and melt the key. I can't let myself ruin this, I can't.