Gaydar

Spill The Tea

Alone in a dark alley with a monster. That's exactly how I feel being with Emily right now. She just brought up Noah to me, and it sounds like she going to follow it with some type of blackmail.

"I really didn't know Noah was gay, but I'm really happy that you two are going out together. I hope you get together soon, we really need a gay couple around here!"

Emily is being suspiciously nice and I'm more than skeptical about it. This is coming from the same girl who swore revenge in Gabby and I after all.

"Thanks, but I don't think Noah is comfortable with coming out yet." Shit, why did I say that?!

"Oh no." She pauses. "Are you okay with that?"

I nod. "It's fine, I understand. He can come out when he wants to and when that times comes, we might start dating and we can show it off to the school."

Emily nods along. "Interesting. You know, I thought you wanted a relationship where you wouldn't have to hide anymore."

I can't lie, she's right about that. I really didn't want to hide a relationship...or whatever it is that Noah and I are right now. Although, I understand where Noah is coming from, so I'm okay with it for now.

"I think Noah will come around eventually."

Emily nods. "What ever happened to Caspian? Didn't you like him?"

I feel like I'm being interviewed or something the way she's pelting me with questions. I'm really spilling all the tea to her right now and I probably shouldn't be.

"I do." I pause. "I mean I did!" I correct myself.

She smiles. "I knew it! You still like him," she giggles.

I blush. "I-I don't! I just...I still have that huge crush on him."

"Is that why you haven't committed to Noah yet?" she asks like she's my therapist or something.

"I hate to admit it, but yeah. I think my feelings for both of them is really making me question myself and the position I'm in."

I know it's not the smartest idea to spill all this to Emily, but it just came out. I've been bottling this up the whole day and now that someone finally asked me about it, I couldn't help but speak. I wanted someone to help me through this, and I'll take advice from even Emily. I mean, maybe that outburst was just a one time thing. I shouldn't hold it against her the rest of my life. Right now she's here for me, and that's enough.

"If you have feelings for both of them, just ask yourself are those feelings balanced? Is there one you like more? Is there one you only like because he's more available? Things like that."

My eyes open wide. More available, yeah I think that's it. With Noah, it's easier because of the position I'm in. He's available for me to date and everything could go smoothly if I just stayed with him. That, isn't the same feeling I have for Caspian.

When I think of Caspian, I get happy and I feel this overwhelming desire to want to be with him, to see his bright smile and to hear his sweet sounding laugh.

Caspian is the one I like, even if he isn't available, those are my true feelings. I like Caspian, not Noah. Wow, that feels weird to say in my head.

"Emily, I think I just figured it out thanks to you!" I smile.

She smiles back. "I'm glad I could help."

I give her a hug. "One last thing. I want you to know that I'm still your friend despite what Gabby says. Just because you two aren't friends anymore, that doesn't mean I'm going to ignore you or anything. We were friends before and we still are now."