We accept the love we think we deserve.
It's strange because sometimes, I read a book, and I think I am the people in the book.
So, I guess we are who we are for alot of reasons. And maybe we'll never know most of them. But even if we don't have the power to choose where we come from, we can still choose where we go from there. We can still do things. And we can try to feel okay about them.
She wasn't bitter. She was sad, though. But it was a hopeful kind of sad. The kind of sad that just takes time.
I don't know if you've ever felt like that. That you wanted to sleep for a thousand years. Or just not exist. Or just not be aware that you do exist. Or something like that. I think wanting that is very morbid, but I want it when I get like this. That's why I'm trying not to think. I just want it all to stop spinning.
Maybe it's sad that these are now memories.
And maybe it's not sad.
I would die for you. But I won't live for you.
It's nice to have things to look forward to.
Things change. And friends leave. Life doesn't stop for anybody.
It's just that I don't want to be somebody's crush. If somebody likes me, I want them to like the real me, not what they think I am. And I don't want them to carry it around inside. I want them to show me, so I can feel it too.
You can't just sit there and put everyone's lives ahead of yours and think that counts as love. You just can't. You have to do things.
So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be.
And in that moment, I swear we were infinite.
There's nothing like deep breaths after laughing that hard. Nothing in the world like a sore stomach for the right reasons.
I think that if I ever have kids, and they are upset, I won't tell them that people are starving in China or anything like that because it wouldn't change the fact that they were upset. And even if somebody else has it much worse, that doesn't really change the fact that you have what you have.
Enjoy it. Because it's happening.
