The Sass Awards 2019-Reviews & Interviews Book ✔

Vampire/Werewolf 1st Place Winner-JadedElegance

JadedElegance- Immortally Beloved 

Title - 5/5

I love your title. It's original, ties in the genre, and hints at some possible romance. I can't think of any ways to improve your title. Good job!

Description/Blurb - 8/10

Before I begin, I should tell you that I'm being pretty nitpicky. You should take it as a compliment because it means that I've had to focus really hard to figure out what you should improve. There isn't much need for improvement, but I suggest trying to focus more on the present. The majority of the description is describing her background, and while that's a good thing to know about before beginning the story, you should try to focus more on Eleni's current predicament. The story is about her stay in this small town, but that part of the description is pretty vague. Try adding a few more sentences about some of the events that will happen in this town. You don't have to state them clearly, but you can tease readers a bit.

As for the rest of the description, I don't have many other things to say. There were three errors I caught (a missing period, an extra period, and missing hyphens in coming-of-age), but they were very minor.

Evidence seems to suggest that Aubrey Parish is a place, but it seems more like a person's name. I just googled it, and I realize it means county. While I'm from the US, it seems to be a Louisiana-only term, so I suggest trying to clarify what it is a bit more. Other than that, the description is very good.

Cover - 4.5/5

I really like this cover. It definitely goes with the vampire genre. I'm not a fan of the orange font because it clashes with the rest of the cover; it'd look much better in white. However, it's a good cover overall.

Plot - 18/20

Again, I'm being nitpicky. I have some comments for future improvements, but then I'll talk about the better aspects of your story. I don't have any issue with the exposition in the first chapter, but it seems a bit out of place. You go from action to description straight back to action without a smooth transition. If you want to keep your exposition there, you need to make a smoother transition between the action and the exposition, and you really need to make sure that you're making smooth transitions from descriptions to action sequences as smoothly as possible in the future. If she's French, I'm assuming she speaks French all of the time in the first chapter, so I'm confused as to why only a few phrases are in French. That being said, I really like the French added in. Chapters four and five and very similar (like another reviewer said), and while chapter four focuses more on Eleni and chapter five focuses more on Victor, they set up of the two chapters is just too similar. If you can find ways to add some more details to differentiate the two chapters, it'd be lovely. I felt like I was essentially reading the same thing all over again. Pierre seems to know that Eleni's daughter is a vampire in the third chapter, and he is disgusted by her. However, wouldn't he consider Eleni a vampire as well? If he knows that Eleni is a vampire, why isn't he disgusted by her too? I could be reading into that whole section where there's no need to read into anything, but I just think that it should be clarified a bit more. There were some descriptions that felt a bit like overkill, but that's more of a stylistic preference than anything.

I don't really have any other issues with this book, which is a good thing (obviously). Your plot was set up by your characterization; the more you got to know from the characters, the more you understood the plot. I was extremely impressed with how you managed to jump back in forth during conversations and time jumps with ease. It got easier to understand as I went along, and I really enjoyed it. However, I'm not sure if this is the appropriate genre for your book. It's about a vampire, but the vampire-aspect of this book is more implied than the mystery or the history. I'm sure it may be more about vampires in the future, but there wasn't much about vampires in the first five chapters.

This hasn't affected your score in any way because it's a very opinionated topic, but I feel the need to mention your chapter lengths. I notice that several other reviewers have suggested shorter chapters, and while you have good reasons to stick to longer chapters, you shouldn't be so quick to dismiss the idea of making your chapters shorter. I understand the purpose of your long chapters, and I might feel differently if I were to read this for enjoyment instead of for a review, but they feel a bit overdone at times. For example, the insight about Marius and Eleni is completely useful in chapter four, but not everything in that chapter is needed. You refer to your chapters as "novel-sized," but that depends on the novels you read. I just read Pride & Prejudice for the fifth time last month (one of my favorite books), and there isn't a chapter that exceeds ten pages. While a lot of your descriptions and literary devices are needed, not all of them are. Bigger doesn't always mean better. I've read your comments about this, and you seem to have a certain stigma against writing anything under 5,000 words (forgive me if I've assumed incorrectly). All I'm asking is that you try to get over that stigma a bit; there are several critically-acclaimed novels that don't have twenty or more pages per chapter.

Characterization - 20/20

Your characterization is flawless. The more I got to know Eleni, the more I became connected to her. Your amazing descriptions of each character with third person limited POV allowed me to connect to their personalities and appearances. Your descriptions are more direct than what I'm used to; I typically prefer to subtly hint at personalities through dialogue and actions. However, your style works for you, and I can't think of any ways to possibly improve in this section.

Creativity/Originality - 10/10

I don't read historical fiction or vampire novels much, so reading one novel with those two genres is certainly very original. Most vampire novels are about what it's like to be a vampire, while your novel focuses on what it's like to be Eleni. It's a very creative idea.

Spelling & Grammar - 13/15

I noticed some minor errors, and I'm sure that a program like Grammarly.com could help fix these errors. Grammarly tends to glitch when faced with long works (like your chapters), so I suggest going through your chapters with Grammarly in sections. It won't be as quick, but Grammarly is more likely to catch mistakes when your work is shorter.

Enjoyability - 5/5

I'm typically a fan of shorter chapters when reviewing and reading for enjoyment, but I really liked reading your story. Granted, it took about an hour to read each chapter in order to review it with the attention-to-detail it deserves, but it was well worth it.

Literary Devices - 5/5

I typically just focus on the more-common types of literary devices like similes and metaphors, but you use more literary devices in one chapter than I may use in five chapters. Hey help readers connect more, and they make your book much better. Good job!

Descriptions - 5/5

There wasn't a single scene or character that I felt was lacking a description of any kind. Your descriptions can be delicate when they need to be, but they can also be blunt and clear when they need to be. Sometimes I felt that you had a little too many descriptions, but that's just my personal opinion.

Total - 93.5/100