Lily's P.O.V
"I'm so sorry Jack." I whispered before walking away, yet again. Tears cascaded from my eyes as I carried on walking all the way to the tour bus. I knew that Jack would stay in the venue with the other boys and Georgia; I don't really feel like talking to anyone anyway.
I had to do it. He deserves better. Plus I don't think I could handle the judgemental stares and comments from his fans. Hell, it was bad enough with Amber let alone thousands of opinionated girls who don't hold back one bit.
Once I was snug under the covers of my bunk, hidden away from the world and reality by a flimsy curtain, I opened up Twitter to see if my worries were true.
As I scrolled through my timeline I noticed how many followers I had received in such a short period of time.
I looked through my mentions, skimming through all the words, only pausing to read the ones that stood out; for all the wrong reasons.
"You don't deserve Jack you fake bitch, go lose some weight."
Ouch. That was the first one I stopped on but I quickly moved on, hoping that it was just a one person thing.
The next one made tears well up in my eyes.
"Jack feels sorry for you, you're so fat and ugly, go die."
Wow, these girls dorm even know me, why are they so quick to judge? I carried on reading.
"Jack's mine, back off slag."
"Stop following the boys around like a slut and get a life."
"I hope you get hit by a car."
I stopped there, tears silently falling. I threw my phone on the mattress and ran back to the venue and into the private toilets, only used my the performers.
I locked the door behind me and slowly walked up to the full length mirror in the corner of the room.
I first looked at my face.
I had a chubby face that was too round, a pointy nose from the side, my freckles were disgusting and my eyes were just boring. My hair was just lifeless and my skin was incredibly dull.
I lifted the hem of my tee to look at myself fully. I turned so I could catch my side profile, my handing shooting up to cover my mouth when I glimpsed at my protruding stomach.
It was horrific how my skin hung over my leggings, stretch marks visible from every angle.
I cast my gaze down to my legs. my thighs were touching which was just wrong and they wobbled every time I walked.
I snapped my eyes shut to prevent all the tears from escaping.
All the girls were right, Amber was right, I was right. I wasn't good enough for Jack. Just take a look at me now to understand how unworthy I am of Jack.
I removed my shaking hand from my mouth and gingerly rubbed it over my belly, feeling all of the skin mush under my touch.
I suddenly rushed over to the toilet, the sight of my reflection making me feel sick or it could just be the constant crying.
I leant over the toilet, dry heaving until I was eventually sick. When I was finished, I quickly cleaned myself up and flushed the evidence away.
I'm not going to lie and say that I didn't feel ten times better after doing that. It made me feel good that I was getting rid of the unwanted fat from my body.
I dragged my fingers under the skin of my eyes, wiping the tears away before leaving the bathroom.
I stepped over the threshold and bumped into Jack J, causing him to almost fall over.
"Woah Lily? Are you alright? You look a bit pale." He placed a comforting hand on my shoulder, staring intently at my features. I squirmed under his gaze, does he know what I just did?
"Y-yeah I'm fine, just a bit tired is all." I added a small laugh to make myself seem lighthearted and Jack seemed to buy it.
"Go get some rest ok?" I nodded eagerly before he walked in the direction he was previously heading.
I let out a sigh as I realised he had believed me.
Feeling better about myself, I decided to go find Gee, hoping some girly time would help me revert back to happy Lily.
I searched everywhere for her until I saw her in the canteen sat at a table, eating by herself. I strolled over and sat down opposite her.
She smiled at my, chewing her lunch.
"Want some?" She offered, holding her large ham sandwich up to me. I tried not to cringe at the food before me and politely shook my head no.
Gee just shrugged her shoulders none the wiser and carried on eating. We caught up during lunch and I told her about my conversation with Jack and that the reason I ended things was because of the waitress.
No one could know the real reason, only myself.
She agreed that it was the right thing to do and she told me that I deserve better than Jack.
I had to cover my grimace as she spoke those words, they were all so wrong. I didn't deserve better because Jack was the best I can ever get and I don't even deserve him.
She soon left me to help backstage so I wandered around the venue. I came across another dance studio, this time finding a more upbeat song in the CD player. I let my body moved to the beat once again but without any interruptions this time; all I could think about was how the exercise was benefitting my body.
By the time I was finished, I was dripping with sweat and incredibly hot. I looked at the clock to see that it was almost time for the boys to perform.
I dashed back to the dressing room and thankfully, only Sam, Jack J and Nate were there; Jack must've already got his makeup done. I quickly did the makeup they needed and none of them brought up what happened between me and Jack so I assume he didn't tell them.
I wished them all luck as they left to head backstage. I packed up all the makeup I used and instead of sticking around to watch them like I normally did, I walked back to the tour bus.
I was feeling incredibly tired and decided to skip dinner and just head straight to bed. I drifted off as soon as my head hit them pillow.
Authors note
I'm sorry if anything within this chapter is upsetting or offensive towards any of you, I don't intend it to be and the last thing I want to do is upset one of you so please message me or something to let me know. Thanks for reading xx
