I once loved a nobody.

chapter 4- Let Me Be.

For a week the dream kept on taking over my nights and then it suddenly stopped. I tried to think about it before I slept so that I could dream it again, but nothing happened. I started to think about him all the days and nights. It was as if my days were ruled and my nights were conquered by the very thought of him. I wanted to tell him but at the same point I wanted to let it be. I was happy and I was fine. "Are you okay? You have been quite lost lately. Are you upset due to something?" Rohan asked me surprised. "Yeah! Everything's good. I am not upset." I replied not paying heed to what he said. "You have been acting quite weird. Why don't you talk to me now a days?" Harshita blabbered from a distance. She had the most cunning smile while she spoke that, as if she knew what I had in mind and wanted to let everybody else know. "How can she change so easily? Has she forgotten how good friends we used to be? What's wrong with her?"I though to myself and replied to her in the same tone as she did, "oh! When did you come? I didn't even see you."

"What's going on guys? Have I missed something serious?" Came a voice from behind me. As the footsteps came closer to me and then a hand just flicked my hair, unknowingly it also touched my neck to which I shrugged and looked around. "It was the same touch I felt in the dream when Raj caught me by the wrist and then by my waist," I thought and smiled to myself.

"Here you come. We have been waiting for you," Rohan screamed at him. "Chill, the game has not even begun," Raj protested. In a while two teams were set up and fortunately, I was chosen by Raj to play for his team. To my little understanding, I could make out that he was trying to come close to me with each passing day. This was all I thought about and it could have been a false thought too. But, I could think of nothing else and every word he spoke to me, gave me chills and I could no more want to be just friends with him. I knew I was thinking a lot and things could possibly go wrong but, I didn't care for them to. I always knew, somewhere, that even if things don't fall into place as I want them to be, I would always love him how I did. I loved this rush of blood into my veins whenever I saw him around and I could live with this rush throughout my life.

This one sided romance was enough to give me life for the rest of my life. I could live with it. I had no expectations with whatever I felt for him. Th only thing which mattered was that Harshita did things to make me jealous and to my utter surprise, Raj would flirt back which made me nauseous to my stomach. I though to myself,"I have to let things go as they are. Things won't always be in my favor. I guess, this is meant to be. I can just let it go. I can just let it be." I was busy thinking about it all and suddenly a ball came flying towards me and hit me in the face. I fell hard on the ground and started pitying my fate. "How can I be so irresponsible?" I cried in pain. Everybody came running towards me and got me water. Raj came too. He smiled at first and then nodded his head as if he knew this was going to happen. "What have you been thinking, you dumb baby? Is something bothering you?" He asked me politely and gave me a hand to get up. He pulled me so hard that I banged my head to his face and then looked into his eye for a second before I pulled apart. "Thank you. No it's nothing. Seriously. I am fine, I guess I should go home and not think at all." I replied confused and disappointed. "Hey, stop. Do you need something?" With a sensible face, Raj asked me. "I can't tell you what I need or else I will loose what I already have," I replied and rushed back home. The moment in itself was something I would cherish for the rest of my life. Standing so close to Raj made me realize how much I care for him and how much I want him to be near me. The distance between us was filed in by the secret I had kept from him. The secret over which I would live my life. In that very moment, I realized how love hurts and still does not give in. Days kept on passing by and I could not possibly stop thinking about him each day and not name him the first love of my life. I started staying home and stopped going out of the house. I developed a habit of keeping things to myself and not letting things hurt me. I started to write diaries and keeping my feelings to myself forever. As the days went by my parents got completely sure of sending me to Himachal Pradesh to study. They did not want me to stay in Jaipur anymore. They thought how Jaipur and its environment will effect my learning and development adversely. They sent me to be responsible and to live independently. they had been thinking about it and now it was final. This was another shock to me. Everything happened so soon that I could not get time to digest one problem until the next one showed up. I could no longer want to stay awake. I wanted my dream back. I wanted to sleep and finish the story I left at the kiss. I wanted things to end my way. I did not want to go. I wanted to look at him every day. But the most, I wanted him to know that I loved him.

I could live by just the thought of falling more for him each day. I could just be me and let it go beyond and further. I need to go. I will move on.