inner roses

something different

hello. this part is going to be in english cuz i just love this language and i think i am pretty good at it for a czech chic.
it's gonna be kind of a sad one (let's pretend that the other 20 chapters weren't). i want to 'write' a chapter where i combine my favorite quotes/poems and make it look like a whole story.
and because these are not going to be my own words, it doesn't mean that it's not true. sometimes other people are better explaining MY feelings than me.

these past few days of my life feels like a test i didn't study for. you know for example- have you ever been in one of those moods where you really don't know what's wrong but you feel really irritated with everyone and everything?  i do a lot.

+

and what if someone who is so constant suddenly disapears out of your life? maybe that's why i don't like getting attached. i don't like the idea of giving someone the power to destroy my heart by choosing to walk away. i want to guard my heart. i want to save myself cuz it hurts so much when you can feel yourself becoming less and less important to someone who means the most to you. and it scares me so much when i meet someone who makes me happy, because all that happiness can be taken away in just a second when they leave.

imagine how much shit you could avoid if you knew someone's intentions from the start- because staring at yourself in the mirror with tears streaming down your face and you are begging yourself to just hold on, that is truly painful.

or, i don't know what's worse, but just have you ever wanted to cry but no tears came out so you just stare blankly into space while feeling your heart breaks into a million pieces.
sometimes you need to distance yourself from people. if they care, they'll notice. if they don't then you know where you stand.

================================

'' the reminder i need to tell myself every day : don't fall in love because someone pays a little bit attention to you. one day, someone is going to hug you so tight, all your broken pieces will go back together. ''

================================

that moment when you burst into tears in your room and you realize that no one knows how unhappy you are.

ever miss yourself?

i do. i have changed. i am not as nice as i used to be, because i don't want to get used or walked over. i don't trust anyone and tell them my secrets. i distance myself from people because in the end, the always leave. i have realized that i am the only person i can depend on. and i conquered my demons and wore my scars like a wings.

+

and the last/first real question : do you ever have one of those days when you are just like wow haha i ruin everything without trying?

thank you so much for reading this. let me know your thoughts down below. have a good day or night.

with love your author Denise.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

P. S. i want to say that this chapter is not about negativity, i know it may looks like it is, but i don't want to spread negativity. i need you to know that every bad thing that happened to you, happened for a reason. you are gonna win the battle. and this is all about winning the battle. these chapters remind me what i achieved and what waits to be achieved. and i need to try harder and harder every day. YOU SHOULD TOO. I BELIEVE IN YOU.

message me if you want.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++