Percipience

We are back to the staring game

'Every time I ignore you , I fall a little more for you,   Because   ,

Every time I ignore you ,I promise myself to see you a thousand times more in my dreams'

Nandini's POV:

It has been 3 weeks since the the I started ignoring Manik....I still remember that look on his face on that day I ignored him in front of his friends...On that day, whole day I felt restless...Every time I closed my eyes I felt those eyes r again staring at me...I can never forget the questioning look in his eyes...I was in my home, 4 km away from his home,Don't know how I can still feel what he might be feeling ...I could feel how hurt he was...As if he was questioning me a thousand times through his mind...As if he wanted me to come right then and say that it was all a lie!Even my heart wanted me to go and say that I can never ignore him...I wanted to tell him that I cared for him more than anything and I could go to any extent just to see a genuine smile on his face... But I cannot be that much irresponsible...Here in our world there r people who have high hopes from both of us...Because our own dreams were no more restricted to ourselves...Feelings of our families were also attached to dreams...My family wanted to see me as a good doctor...His family also expected to see him as a successful doctor one day...Both of us were capable to achieve our dreams and I'm not that much selfish to take a risk  of ruining their dreams just for my feelings....And even I don't want to loose my dreams at any cost...

I don't even know what these feelings exactly mean...May be they will disappear with time...On that day I decided to ignore Manik because I wanted a beautiful future for both of us and also for our families...I was afraid that if I will be with manik this year it might be an obstacle for both of us...Although I was ignoring him it was only him who occupied my thoughts...I couldn't stop thinking about him...Peace left me long ago...This was because of my heart which wanted to talk with manik...Which wanted to be around manik all the time...I used convince myself giving various reasons to stay away from him...

One fine day, a thought strike my mind when I was of reasons to stay away from him and my heart and subconscious mind both were opposing it...I don't know whether  this feeling is true love or something else...I'm very fond of love story of my abhay bhai and piya...abhay bhai waited for piya for 200 years...I know he was a vampire...But even humans can wait for their true love for years... I know it was just a story but it is the same story which made me believe the power of true love...And if 'true,pure love' really exists in this world it should be like my abhay bhai n piya...Whatever that is there in between me and him if its true love then no one can separate us, despite of my efforts,despite of all the odds we'll meet some day...Currently the situation is not right to accept my growing feelings but if we really have a connection may be we'll meet in favorable conditions then I won't let him go...And if we won't meet in future after this year then I'll believe that what ever I felt was just an illusion...I trust my Ayiaappa...Pure love is a blessing from Ayiaappa!!! Even I want it...But this is not the right time or all this...

This was like hope for my heart...That time I understood one more thing that my heart was ready to wait for him for years!!!may be ages!!! With this hope I was able to calm my inner turmoil... This helped me to get over the guilt of ignoring him and focus on my studies...

From the very day I started ignoring manik,I also decided that I won't make anyone a friend...But Life is a way too unpredictable some times... Because after one week I met a girl who was sitting on first bench in our class...No one used to sit on first bench besides me...It was not like I threatened them not to sit there but no one in our class used to talk to me for reason unknown to me..may be they thought I was not there types...may be they were right also..but being an introvert I never payed attention to other people in our class...But the girl sitting on my bench...She was different...She made me talk..that is a difficult task to do...Because I used to take a lot of time to mix up with people...That was probably her first day of high school... may be she joined late...But she carried an aura that everyone was behaving with her as if she was friends with every student of the class...Her name was Navya...Me and Navya r friends now...It is because I felt a connection with her...Even my has a new best friend now.He's name is cabir.He joined on the same day as that of navya. I can never imagine him replacing me with someone else but I know that this is important...