Her

: : Part XXV : :

: : Part XXV : :

The following week at university flew past. The day of your return you handed in your assignment, the explanation of love, to Professor Collins. He seemed overly excited to read it, which made you uncomfortable no self-respecting professor should be glowing to read a love explanation written by a nineteen year old male.

The work load since you returned had almost doubled, all your classes demanded hours of work and assignments, tests and assessments on the other hand almost tripled.

The stress of university life is starting to kick in. When you aren’t studying you lay in your room looking around, freaking out.

“We are going out!” Benson declared on Friday.

“I can’t go out, Benson. I am busy.” You snapped at him. You did that a lot lately.

“Carson, you need to breathe, so we are going out for dinner. That’s it.”

“Just us two?” You asked.

“No, Avery will come with us.” Benson told you.

“Sienna?” You asked.

“No, not tonight. I think she got a job. I’m not sure.”

“Alright, but I have to be back before ten.”

“Okay.”

________________________

Once you walked out of the campus the stress left you instantly, the walk to the diner wasn’t long. Majority of the walk was just to get out of the University itself.

Avery and Benson walked in front of you, their hands bumped each other’s every now and again- no doubt on purpose. You began to feel like an intruder. You were officially third wheeling it.

You wanted to say something to make the situation change, say something that would allow the atmosphere to feel like three friends going out for dinner, and not a couple and a guy. There were too many three-some jokes just waiting to be released.

Once the walk was over you ambled into the diner and sat down at one of the first tables available.

You pick up a menu and begin to scan through it. “Hey, guys.” A familiar voice uttered.

You looked up and saw Sienna, your mouth tugged up into smile. “How long have you worked here?” You asked, you missed her.

“A week.” She answered simply. “Do you need some more time to order, or are you all good?”

“We’ll order now.” Benson told her.

After you all ordered Sienna disappeared. “So, Carson, have you decided?” Avery asked you, her face looked like she was trying to explain something to you without actually saying it.

“What?”

“Have you decided what you are going to do with Sienna?” Avery repeated.

“No.”

“Carson, think.” Benson tells you. “What do you want?”

“I don’t know!” You say. “I don’t know what to do or what to think, I don’t know anything and as a writer that sucks. I am supposed to know where the story starts and ends. But I know nothing. I don’t know how she feels; I don’t know how I feel… not anymore.”

“Well, tell her.” Was all Avery said.

You stayed silent, the conversation moved on and you just shrunk in your seat. You needed to think, you needed to remove all your confusion and settle with something, anything.

Sienna flittered around, table to table offering refills to her section. You took her in, her blonde hair, her skirt, her shirt, and her shoes. Trying to take in every detail, like each detail would get you one step closer to knowing what to do, to either love her or leave her.

“Can I get you anything else?” Sienna asked the boy in the booth next to you.

“Your number would be nice.” He smiled up at her.

“I’m sorry?”

“Sorry that was forward, I’m Dylan.” He held his hand out to her. You pleaded with her not to shake it, but she did anyway.

“Sienna.”

You couldn’t bear to listen to that anymore. “I gotta go.” You told the group.

Avery and Benson just nodded and you walked out the door. Once the air hit you, you breathed it in, long and deep.

“Carson!” You turned around and saw Professor Collins.

“Sir, what are doing here?” You asked him, skipping pleasantries.

“I was having dinner with my family when I saw you, and I wanted to talk to you about the piece of writing you handed into me earlier this week. But you ran out of the diner so fast, I had to catch you.”

“Why? Couldn’t’ve waited until Monday?”

“No,” Professor Collins said simply. “Walk with me.”

“But, Sir, your dinner.”

“Forget it, Carson, when you get to my age-”

“Sir, you’re thirty.” You cut him off.

“Well, spotted. But, when you get older you understand importance more than you do now.” You nod slowly not fully understanding what he meant. “Walk with me.” He repeated, this time you obliged and followed Professor Collins down the quiet and dimly lit street. “She’s the waitress, isn’t she?”

“Her name is Sienna.”

“And you’ve known Sienna since…”

“I was five.” You filled in the blanks.

“You met her how?”

“I’m her brother’s best friend.”

“Ah, forbidden love. I know what that’s like.” You don’t say anything. “Back when I was in University… the same one you attend, actually, I met someone. She was beautiful, flawless, just…ah. She was a classic beauty, like Marilyn Monroe or Beyoncé or Audrey Hepburn she was… timeless. At the time I was studying law, so was she and we spent hours together, we spent so much time together inevitably I fell for her. And I didn’t tell her, then one year I invited her to my house for Christmas, she was from out of town and couldn’t go and visit her family so she stayed with mine. And she met my brother.” Your Professor paused. “Long story short, now she is married with kids. My brother is a drunk… and doesn’t love her anymore. But she won’t leave, because kids need a family.”

“Sir…”

“You need to learn something Carson, and unfortunately they don’t have a class for how to heal a heart or how to understand woman. But I will tell you something. If you are okay with Sienna ending up with someone other than you, love her from a distance but if you can’t start fighting for her. And I know, you probably have a family telling you all this… but take it from someone who knows. Loving someone from a distance sucks. It isn’t what it seems like; you aren’t the person making them happy. But you witness them being happy. Sometimes that’s enough.”

“Sir, I…” You start but decide against your words. “Why are you telling me all this?”

“Because, your writing… it reminded me of her, of my feelings.”

“Your resolved feelings?”

“Yes, I got over her. Eventually. I married another woman, I didn’t love her at first. But I am very fond of her, we are good friends. So the marriage works, I have son, Nathan and he needs a family.

“But every now and then, I read something, something that reminds me of my youth. Of her.”

“Do you regret not telling her?”

“I wouldn’t tell her now, but if I could go back in time and do it again. I would. I would tell her every day, every second. Because love is lethal, it can kill, but it also ignites.”