Jin knew he had been living on borrowed time. To be honest, he was quite surprised he had managed to last a good 27 years before his secrets began catching up with him and the web of lies he had carefully woven begun unravelling.
But he wished that whatever forces had protected him for so long had granted him a little more time - at least until the time travellers were back home safely. And then - then he wouldn't have minded if the mask had slipped off. Literally and metaphorically.
He should have expected it though - every year once the races were fully underway, he would rarely be able to go outside without being met with sneers, if he was lucky, or bruises and thrown fists. It was like the races refreshed people's memory - like it made them suddenly remember everything that had happened three years ago with vivid clarity and, with every passing day, fueled their anger.
It started slowly - the first races were tame. He could still go grocery shopping - even open the bakery. But with every level - with every race that their team - Raziel's team won, it became hard to even set foot outside. But it had never mattered - until now.
He hugged his knees to his chest on the bed and rested his chin on them, taking in the sounds of everyone washing up and eating after the race. Not too long now.
Soon they would be at the doorway to his room with questions and he would have to answer them - he would be obligated to answer - because they deserved the truth. Especially after all those marks they bore fighting for him - for his tattered dignity. All the scars they would carry just because they had picked the wrong side.
The losing side.
And he wasn't ready. To tell them everything - to relive memories he had buried in the deepest recesses of his mind - memories he had all but tried his hardest to forget. A year and a half of his life he pretended had never happened. He didn't think he would ever be ready, to be honest.
But it wasn't recollecting that scared him - for once in his life. It was what would come after. Their judgement. Disgust. Maybe even hatred and loathing. He wasn't so sure if he could handle that.
Who was he kidding?
He wouldn't be able to handle it - couldn't live without hugging Jimin and Tae, babying Jungkook, engaging in pointless banter with Yoongi while baking cakes or simply being around Namjoon and feeling special.
And the worst part was that they would be justified - because if they looked at him as though he was unworthy of being alive they wouldn't really be wrong. Jin was an abomination. A mistake, and he knew it. He knew -
"Jin?" A soft voice called out, "Hey hey, why are you crying?"
Huh? Crying?
He brought his hand up to his face while taking in Namjoon hovering at the doorway uncertainly.
They came away wet.
Oh.
"I - " he croaked out, "I - "
I what?
What would he tell him? That he was drowning in self-pity because that was all he knew? That he hoped they wouldn't hate him after they heard everything he had done? That he was so sorry they would be flirting with death on a daily basis after this because of who they were associated with? Because of him.
