The Secretary

Jin's Thoughts

Later that night Jin lay in bed, staring at his ceiling. Like always, it was a struggle to sleep. His senses were on high alert, wondering if this was the night that would end it all. Would someone get through all their security precautions? Would he draw his last breath tonight? Sometimes he wondered why he even cared.

He loved knowing that he'd made a difference. He liked the money and the women. But even before the attack his heart had felt...well, empty. He'd been forced to ask himself the question: would anyone miss me when I'm gone? Truly miss me? He knew his six friends would. But who else? When he'd chosen this life he knew it probably meant no family. And after Yoongi's incident he had been resolved that there definitely would never be. It was too much of a risk. For him, having a significant other meant an equal partner who you could go through life with. All the women involved in their world were crazy and/or psychotic. He knew it made him sound proud but they just weren't on his level. And the ones who weren't? Well they were smart and ran as fast as they could away from his lifestyle. To keep one he'd need to keep secrets and live a lie, and that eliminated any chance of the ideal partnership he wanted. Because if he wanted sex he knew where to get it with no strings attached.

So Jin was resigned to live the rest of his life, however long it was, alone and single. On nights like this that made his heart ache. In some ways, it made him feel unlovable. Even though it was his own choice.

He rolled over, trying to get more comfortable, and as he did his thoughts turned to Y/N. She had been silent, except for an occasional sniffle, the entire ride to her place. This was a side of her he'd never seen. He'd seen her annoyed, he'd seen her frigid, he'd seen her furious, he'd seen her trying to show she wasn't anxious, he'd seen her lost in thought when she didn't know he was looking, and he'd seen the little things she did that showed her unconscious competence. Things like insisting they were all going to digitize. He'd never had a secretary so good at doing what she was told work-wise and also so bad at it at the same time. But he'd never seen her so broken and vulnerable. It made him want to wrap her up tight and never let go, never let anything hurt her again.

And that made him nervous. Every time she was in the room he found his eyes wandering to her if he didn't keep them in check. When he was in his office, his eyes would automatically travel to her and he had to fight to stay focused. And she'd caught him several times. He was sure it creeped her out. At first he thought it was just because she was eye candy, like many other women.

But when he'd followed her into the restroom, when he talked her down from her panic attack, he hadn't wanted to let her go. Even now he could still feel how warm her body had felt pressed against his. He could still feel it from back when he'd saved her from being hit by that taxi. It snuck into his thoughts when he was distracted.

He shook his head and sighed, squeezing his eyes closed tightly. Just frickin' go to sleep already, he told himself. But he couldn't help wondering if she was okay, if she was going to be a mess tomorrow morning. He wished she'd let him come up to her apartment....

He sighed. No use in thinking something like that. She had wisely not allowed him. If this was where his thoughts were going to go then it was for the best. He thought about it, he thought about texting her and asking if she was alright. But who would be alright? Yoongi had explained everything to him when he'd gotten back and he completely understood her reaction. It was a very hurtful, traumatizing subject. He didn't blame Yoongi for looking into it. Just wished he'd been a bit more careful in leaving the file laying around for her to find.

You don't have to come in tomorrow.

There. She was taken care of and he wasn't getting involved in a way he shouldn't. Problem solved.

-

He had expected her to stay home, he really had, so imagine his surprise when he groggily walked in the next morning and she was at her desk. He stopped and stared. If he hadn't witnessed it he wouldn't have known how discombobulated she'd been the night before. Every hair was in place, the slight tension she always had to her shoulders was there, and she was biting her lip as she typed away at her computer.

"I thought I said you could stay home." She looked up at him and that's where he saw the one sign that showed she wasn't as put-together as she appeared on the outside.

"You did. But I have work to do."

"Work can wait." He tried. He really wanted her to rest.

"I'm not going to freak out, Mr. Kim. I did it, it's done. I need to move on." The last part was said quietly.

"Um....okay." He glanced towards Yoongi's office. The shades were pulled down but he could see light peeking through the cracks. He was hiding. "Let me know if you need anything, okay?" She looked relieved that he wasn't going to press the point.

"Thank you, sir."

"I have a meeting later today so I'll be out. Please don't murder him, alright?" Her lips quirked slightly at his teasing.

"I'll try not to, sir." He frowned but decided not to call her out on not using his first name. The truth was, a part of him wanted to hear how it sounded on his lips. But he couldn't think like that.

In his office, he texted Taehyung, asking for a favor. Out of all of them, maybe he could help her out the most.