The Sass Awards 2019-Reviews & Interviews Book ✔

Chicklit Finalist-Voyageavecmoi

voyageavecmoi -More To Life

Title: 5/5 

The title and blurb together immediately puts "Eat, Pray, Love" into my mind, and I want to read more about how the story unfolds. It immediately tells me this is a journey of self-discovery, a coming-of-age tale, and it's difficult to get more chick-lit than that.

Blurb: 10/10 

This blurb is as close to perfect as blurbs get. I'd use this as an example of "How To Write A Best-Selling Blurb". Not only do you cover the three essential points of what a blurb must cover, you present it in a creative way, comparing the characters to dishes on a menu. You've opted to keep your blurb clean except for the rating, which I think more authors should use instead of the Mature/Not-Mature system. When you evaluate the title, blurb, and cover as a package, it's a book you'd end up "Adding To Cart".

Cover: 3/5 

The cover is a weak spot in the really marketable image your book has presented so far. I understand how it relates to the theme. It is an illustration of a person's journey to self-realisation and attempt to find inner peace, but it looks like a trite calendar photo you might hang above your desk at work. A more professional-looking cover would complete the package.

Plot: 17/20 

Reading this story, it was the plot that immediately drew me into the world you're creating, rather than the characters. It can be a tough order to tell the story of a group of friends or a band, because each character you present has a different interpersonal dynamic with the others. Unfortunately, I found the plot a bit confusing at some points, and it's strictly a POV issue. You begin with what appears to be an omniscient point of view, but at times, you come close to getting into the heads of your characters--that's something you can't do with 3rd omniscient. The first half of the first chapter, the big puzzle is "Who is telling this story?" I think that needs to be clarified somehow. The second half of the chapter, it's obvious that it's Maria's POV. There needs to be a divider or even consideration of breaking that off into its' own chapter. I don't know if it was a plot hole, but it confused me how Maria left first, but had time to walk in on her boyfriend with another woman. What happened in the time that must have elapsed between Maria leaving and her boyfriend hooking up with Kelsey?

Characterisation: 16/20

In attempting to introduce so many characters and so much conflict right off the bat, there's a sense of not knowing any of them all that well. In a story that uses multiple POVs (something of which I am personally a fan), pacing and POV play huge roles in how successful the implementation of your idea will be for the reader. Right off the bat, I felt everything was rushed and I wasn't certain whose eyes we saw the characters through. The very first chapter introduced us to a lot of characters, and oddly, none of them feel like the protagonist. We see every character's worst qualities, and that may be off-putting to some. For me, the fact that Maria blamed herself (and the men blamed her, too) for putting her own ambition over supporting a man---and thinking that made it okay for Aiden to cheat on her--that made me groan out loud.

Creativity/Originality: 9/10 

Three chapters in, and it occurs to me that I don't yet know exactly what this book is about or where the storyline is headed. However, I'm completely absorbed in the story and the world that's being created, and trying to get fuller pictures of characters and relationships. The idea behind this book is astoundingly good, and doesn't fall victim to predictable cliches. People do not always behave as you'd expect them to do. There is a level of creativity in here that's impressive, and you should be commended. Sadly, the execution of the idea and the storytelling itself needs a bit of work and editing before it is ready for the world. It improves as it goes on, which is a positive sign that it just took you a bit to find the right voice for your story.

Spelling/Grammar: 13/15

The level of writing in this story is suited to a younger audience, and so it is more colloquial in tone and doesn't rely on a very sophisticated writing style. I think you have to be careful not to let this story drift into the realm of YA/Teen Fic. Chick-Lit readers tend to be slightly older and the female protagonists are typically far more independent and empowered than their teenage counterparts. I know, I know, writing style isn't something to judge on in this category, but I thought I'd share my observations. The grammar, phrasing, and punctuation isn't flawless, but it's far better than most. With the exception of the first chapter, editing this book shouldn't be too difficult. The main flaw is that focus on scenes and characters don't always flow coherently and POV changes aren't ever denoted.

Enjoyability: 5/5 

Something I often talk about with other writers and contest judges is the difference between the most well-written story and the most enjoyable story. You think they'd be one in the same, but that's rarely true. Wattpad prizes enjoyability above technical aspects of writing often, and I'm assuming that's due to the demographics. Your book is an example of a wonderful idea and an enjoyable story that people want to read. However, the technical aspects of it are in need of some work. If you can get the level of technical ability in your writing to match the imaginative story idea you've come up with, you're going to have something extraordinary. However, you can't count on Enjoyability to carry your story outside of Wattpad.

Literary Devices: 3/5

Your writing style is a very colloquial and straightforward one, and that's one of the things that starts to draw it out of Chick-Lit and into Teen Fic. However, it also makes for an easy and addictive read. I notice your work doesn't make much use of simile, metaphor, or comparing and contrasting things. It's great to have a literal, modern, and accessible style if you're aiming for a younger audience, but a few literary devices could spice things up a bit.

Descriptive Writing: 3/5 

You have a style of writing that's more informative than descriptive, though sometimes you do manage to use descriptive writing well to capture emotion. The problem is that even though you describe things and you definitely "show, don't tell", the emotion that is felt by the characters isn't so easily transmitted to the reader. You need to find a way to dig a little deeper into the minds and hearts of your characters.

Total: 84/100