Cristiano's Craving

Thirty Four

"Stop," I whispered, shaking my head as the doctors did that negative look they always did to each other when they knew something was wrong.

"Please, just stop."

I sighed, wiping my eyes as I gazed at the blank screen.

"I'm sorry, Miss Amabella but you've had a miscarriage."

The midwife wiped off the gel and I continued to stare at the screen although nothing was there. I bit my lip so hard the blood began to seep out. I was lost in my own thoughts, zoning out. I could barely hear what the doctor was saying.

Then the equipment was put away and some of the nurses left which left only the doctor and the midwife.

"Miss?"

My eyes landed upon him.

"There are hospital counsellors to talk to-"

I shook my head.

He nodded, understanding. "We will give you some time with your family discuss options later."

With those words said, the both left and as soon as they did, my head went into my hands.

I lost the baby.

I lost my baby.

My only baby.

I didn't know how to feel, I didn't know how to act or what to say. I was so positive and determined to believe that the baby was alive that I didn't think of what would happen if the baby wasn't alive.

My baby wasn't alive.

Eight weeks.

Eight weeks of knowing and loving my baby.

My baby was gone.

Then I started to sob.

And sob.

And sob.

Tear streamed down my cheeks, my whole face was red, and I screamed at the very top of my lungs, throwing a pillow to the wall and picking up the table clock, letting it smash as I threw it.

I sobbed uncontrollably. My eyes dripped with tears. My walls, the walls that held me up, collapsed and destroyed me. Hot drops fell from my chin, drenching my shirt. I was trembling. I couldn't stop.

My hands curled into fists and I started punching a pillow before grabbing it and screaming into the fabric, loud, intense sobs leaving me.

I heavily breathed, throwing the pillow away and running my hand through my hair. When I finally looked up, there were my sweet idiots. They didn't look disgusted or angry. They weren't playful or taunting. They were concerned, filled with sympathy and compassionate.

A small whimper came from me and I sniffed, wiping my eyes as I looked at each of their handsome faces.

"You guys are amazing in every single way," I practically whispered, my voice hoarse and thick with sadness. "I love, Dax. I love you, Gage. I love you, Jordan."

"We love you too, Rose," Jordan softly replied, giving me a warm, sincere smile. I sniffed, wiping my eyes and swallowing roughly, his words warming my heart.

"And we're here for you," Gage gently promised me, his eyes never leaving mine. "Like you have been for us."

"Always," Dax finished, his eyes twinkling with kindness.

Tears rolled down my cheeks and I wiped them away, my eyes sore and stinging.

"Lay down and close your eyes," Jordan softly told me. I did as he said and he whispered, "we'll be here always, Rose."