Preacher Man // ross lynch + driver era

55

I nod. "Yeah, I'm just not looking forward to this drive. Hayley was crying a lot this morning and it's all just taking a toll on me having to leave her," I explain once Riker walks out of sight. 

"It'll get easier. Are you ready for the distance?" She questions, taking a bite out of her fruit. 

I shake my head. "No, not really. I know I'll make it work... I have to make it work. I don't want to lose her so I'm putting in all of the effort that I physically can." 

"I'm glad you're not giving up," she replies.

My dad appears with a box in his arm. "Hey, Ross. Everyone ready to go?" He asks. 

I glance around to see all of my siblings come into the room. I keep looking for my mom and it clicks in my head that she won't be coming on our moving journey. 

It's like we are leaving her here and all of a sudden, I'm all choked up. 

"We grew up in this house, our memories are in this house. Our memories with mom are in this place," I say, my voice cracking. "And we're leaving it. What about mom?"

Rydel looks up at me and I know I'm going to make her cry. Not even ten seconds later, she begins biting down on her lip and the tears start streaming down her face. Fuck. 

"Mom is more than just the memories in this house. She is not this house, you know that," my dad says. 

I'm trying my hardest to hold back tears. "But she's here! Her grave is here. Oh my god, I didn't visit her grave one last time. I fucking suck," I yell, my hands going into my hair. 

"Ross, relax," my dad says as he puts the box onto the counter. 

I shake my head, his hand going onto my back. "I can't leave here," I say. 

My brothers are staring at me like I have ten heads and my sister is sobbing. 

"We sold the house, Ross. We have to go. We have to meet the real estate agent at the new house. We have to leave now." My dad turns to my siblings. "Go get your cars ready. We'll be out soon." 

My siblings nod and all file out of the front door. I hear Rydel sniffing her way through the hallway. 

I look at my dad and burst into tears, my wall completely breaking down. "I don't know," I begin. "I don't know why I feel so guilty leaving," I cry.

"You're fine, Ross. You know all this house is... is a house. Your mom is in your heart and in your memories, she is more than Littleton, Colorado." He tries to console me, his hand going to my back. 

I nod. I'm causing a whole scene, holy shit. 

I don't have time to visit her grave now. I'll have to make a trip back here soon. I'll see Hayley and my mom. I'll have something to look forward to as soon as I get there. 

I wipe my eyes with the back of my hand. "Let's go," I emotionlessly say and walk out of the door, leaving my dad confused in the kitchen. I try to wipe all of the tears off my face and stabilize my emotions.

"Ross-" He begins. I continue walking.

As I'm trying to keep my cool, my dad tells us for the fifth time the new address. I put it into my phone and get into my car, needing to get away from everyone. 

I pull out of the driveway first. I mumble a 'bye mom' under my breath and continue to follow the GPS. Once I'm on the main highway where I stay for miles, I dial in Hayley's number. I need to hear her voice. 

"Hi baby," she says happily into the phone. "How's the drive going?"

I sigh. "I cried like a bitch earlier," I admit.

"Why?" She questions. 

As I'm cruising on the highway, I keep my eyes on the cars around me. "I don't know what took over me. Riker pissed me off as soon as I got into the house asking me if I cried when I left you and just being a pain in the ass. Then when we were all in the kitchen, I was expecting my mom to come into the room."

"I'm sorry, babe," she sighs into the phone. I know there really isn't much else to say so I'm not annoyed with her response. 

I bite down on my lip. "I forgot to visit her grave one last time before I left. Does that make me a horrible son?"

"No. One hundred and ten percent no. Your mind was preoccupied from finals, graduating, packing and leaving. Don't blame yourself. You didn't do it intentionally."

I sigh into the Bluetooth microphone. "I guess I just need to make a visit sooner than I thought."

I can tell she's smiling as she replies. "I'd like that. We can make a visit together." She thankfully changes the subject. "Thank you for the presents. I cried like a bitch then too." 

"I miss you already," I admit, my hand gripping the steering wheel tightly. 

Hayley hums. "I miss you. I'm happy you did call me though, wasn't sure if you'd be too into your music for the drive." 

"What are you doing?"

I hear her shuffling around in the background so it of course peeked my interest. "I'm getting for work. I was just getting out of the shower when you called. Right this minute, I'm digging through my closet to find clothes."

"Did you look through the box I gave you? I spent hours washing it and folding it like a great boyfriend," I tease. 

She hums again. "Nope. I don't even know what's in here so I'll look," she says. I hear her voice get fainter as I'm assuming she put her phone on speaker. "Baby," she whines into the phone.

"What?"

Hayley whines again. "Stop trying to make me cry," she whispers.

"What?" I repeat, egging her to tell me. 

"You put one of your hoodies and two of your shirts in here. And they smell like you," she says.

I smile proudly to myself. I love the way my t-shirts adorn her small frame. How they clutch to her thighs in the best way possible. 

I laugh into the phone. "You look hot in them, I want to see them on you even when I'm not around," I smile some more like an absolute dork.

"I love you," she says. "I'm pathetically hugging your hoodie."

I laugh again. "I love you, bubs. I don't want to hold you up getting ready for work though. Have a good shift. Text me when your shift is over and I'll see what I'm doing. Hopefully we can get a FaceTime in. Is it corny if I want to fall asleep on FaceTime with you?"

I know the answer is yes, but I want to so badly. I want to talk to her like usual until one of us knocks out unexpectedly. 

"A little bit, but I would love that. I'll text you later. Please, drive safe!" She emphasizes even more.

I begin blasting my music once we hang up to preoccupy my thoughts. We have six more hours on this drive and it's already absolute hell. We pull into a gas station two hours in so we can all fill up our tanks and grab food nearby. As I'm leaning against my car, watching the number go up in how much I have to pay, my phone dings from my pocket. 

I pull out my phone, the noise of my siblings talking by the surrounding pumps filling my head. I open my messages. One from my dad saying to meet him at the fast food place after we finish here and one from Hayley. 

Hayley: Stopped by to say hello and tell her about your plans for Cali. We had a good conversation. Gave her a little piece of you until you can come visit x 

Under the words, there's a picture of my mother's grave and in her hand are the roses I gave her.