Bück Dich [Revising]

Chapter 28: Time Lapse

NO ONE'S POV

The past months were dedicated to Flake's slow recovery. His bones took longer than expected to properly heal. Till, however, did not mind helping his friend. He stood alongside him — making sure all his needs and wants were meant. Flake felt embarrassed for having to rely on his friend for help, but Till really didn't mind. In fact, he enjoyed spending so much time with the keyboardist. Of course, Rammstein had to cancel the European tour they had planned. This was a much needed break for the men after everything that had happened to them all. Till had to learn to love himself after the heinous crime he committed. He continues to have nightmares about it though. After all, harming the one you cherish most feels almost unforgivable. Flake had been dealing with the issue differently. He loved Till with his entire essence but found it difficult to trust him as time went on. When the situation first happens, one always forgets the severity of it all. Till had dug himself a large hole and only dug deeper with his thoughtless actions.

Flake would look at Till sometimes and feel the rage begin to surface. He's only human after all and a victim of sexual abuse. Flake would lose his temper with Till at times — a mixture of his frustration with himself and Till. Flake felt stupid for loving a man that raped him and went to sleep around with some lady. He felt stupid for trying to trust him again. He felt weak for wanting to forgive him. Of course, forgiveness is one of the most challenging things to do, but for Flake, it felt that forgiveness was the easy route. It felt like loving him was caving into what he really wanted. So his hatred and hurt consumed him, and he let it show sometimes. Till knew he had to pay for his crimes so he allowed Flake to say those hurtful things to him. He wanted the keyboardist to heal from the trauma he put him through. Naturally, both had the idea and concept of forgiveness wrong.

When Till approached Richard about it all, Richard admitted that he had to pay for his sins but that maybe this wasn't the way to go. Till went back home to pick up a few things before heading back over to Flake's house. As he drove there, an idea ran through his head. Maybe Flake needs a friend to talk it through with — this whole situation. Till sighed as he opened the door to his lonely house. The issue with large houses is how vacant they appear no matter how much stuff you decide to fill it with.

Till went in and took the atmosphere all in. This house felt like him in a way — grandiose yet lonely on the inside. He shut the door and took a few steps forward. His attention moved from the floor to the ceiling. Tears filled his eyes as he remembered how awful everything had been. He caused it all and made things worse.

I can't keep feeling sorry for myself. I have to change. I have to be better — if not for Flake but for myself too.

Till placed a hand on the kitchen counter and let out a long sigh. He flattened his lips and mindlessly stared at the floor. What could he do differently and how could he regain the love of his life's trust? He messed up, but both chose to persist with this relationship after all. By choosing to continue this, both subconsciously agreed to work together and move past this traumatic event while acknowledging the severity of it all.

Till's eyes lit up as he came up with an idea to win back Flake. Both desperately needed something positive in their lives. Till bolted through each room, gathering everything he needed. He slid down the staircase rail and ran out the door with a childlike excitement engulfing him.

Till arrived at Flake's house and made sure to change into nice clothes before re-encountering his beloved. He stood outside and felt his spine slightly slouch as his nerves grew increasingly uneasy. Till's anxiety engulfed him again so he swallowed his thick saliva and opened the door. He made his way through Flake's simple house to the far room at the very end. He knocked at the slightly opened door before entering.