Bück Dich [Revising]

Chapter 16: It's Official

FLAKE'S POV

"Well, all of this is my fault." Till continues. I give him a look full of horror. Nothing is said between anyone. Till starts to walk off, but I pull on his arm in hopes of getting him to stop. Till turns around, saddened, and shakes my arm off. He starts making his way to the car. I glance over at Oliver and Schneider - both give me a look full of horror. I look away for a moment and contemplate on what I could do to make this situation better.

Well, I could let Till be and get a ride from the others. Maybe Till might need some time away? Actually, no. Knowing Lindemann, he'd go off and harm himself.

If I go after him, Paul will most likely cut off all contact with me and the rest will most definitely be upset with me.

If I don't do anything, a man's life will be at risk here.

No...

I have to help Till.

I walk over to Riedel and Schneider and quickly apologize.

"I'm sorry you two got dragged into this. None of this should be your concern anyway. I'm really sorry."

"Flake, no. You don't have to apologize for this. Go after Till before he does something to hurt himself. Take care of him, Lorenz." Christoph tells me in a hushed tone, staring directly into my eyes. I glance away and look at Till, who's already far off into the distance.

I sprint towards Till and grab onto his arm again.

"Till, please don't do this to me."

"I've already hurt you once, Flake. Don't make this harder on me."

"Please...let's just go back to my house, okay?" I beg as I hold onto his arm. Till's face fills itself with sadness and pain. I watch as the man I love breaks into a thousand shards of depression and past trauma. This buildup causes him to go numb towards me. I can tell by his facial expression that he has something in mind. I'm not too sure whether I should trust him on what he says next.

"No, Flake. I have to go home."

"Wait-"

"Stop, Lorenz. This isn't easy for me either but you know I need time to think things through. I'll explain when we get to my house, okay? You won't be mad; I promise."

"...okay, Till. Let's go home then." I force out as I lower my head and let go of Till.

I pull out my phone and text the band equipment team to send our stuff back to ____. He responds almost immediately with an "ok chief." Normally I would chuckle at this, but my mind is too occupied by the current problems. I send another text to inform the band equipment team to pay the people who assisted us during our performance. I listed their names and said I would be transferring money over to repay our team. They didn't have to play with us, but they did anyway. I'll make sure that they each get a fair sum for their contribution. The equipment team member I was texting sent a message to me showing how much he gave them. I nod and tell him that's a decent amount. He sends me a thumbs up emoji before our conversation is concluded. I sigh and put my phone back into my front pocket.

I open the door and step into my car. As I reach for my keys, I notice Till buckle himself up and turn to the other side away from me.

Did I cause this?

I exhale a bit then start the car. I pull out of the parking area and begin to make my way to Till's house. Nothing is said between us for some time until I decide it's time to break the silence.

"Hey."

"Hmm?" Till responds as he refuses to look in my direction.

"I'm sorry if I pushed you too hard today. I-"

"Why are you apologizing?"

My eyes grow wide, and I grow silent. "I...uh...," I stammer out as I continue to drive.

"Exactly. I should be the one that's sorry. I did this to you. You know, we wouldn't be here if it weren't for me. I ruined things, didn't I? At least I won't be in the band anymore. Maybe that will make things better."

"You know it won't, Till. We all need each other."

"Really? Because I know damn well that you don't need someone like me. All I've done is cause you harm. You're better off without me, Lorenz, and you know it."

"Till, stop acting like thi-"

"Why? You know I'm not wrong. It's funny to think how naive you are. Well, it's not funny. It's actually quite pitiful. You have too much faith in me, Flake. That needs to end."

"Till-"

"Please don't, Flake. I love you and of course I want to spend the rest of my years with you...but this can't go on any longer. I don't want to hurt you ever again. What I did was-"

"You think I don't understand? Of course it hurt, Till! It hurt so much, both physically and especially emotionally. That next day...after you did that...I teared up at the sight of dried blood that had run down from my leg as a result of what you did to me. I know what you did, Till. I know. The logical part of me says you don't deserve forgiveness. Everytime I look at you though...my heart says otherwise. I forgive you for what you did because I love you, Till. Nothing you do will change how I feel towards you. I wish none of that had happened, but there's nothing that can be done about that now. Let's just work together and fix things. We will get through this, okay?"

"Flake-"

"Till, please. I just need you to agree with me on this. I don't want this to end because the others influenced you."

"Flake, no. Are you stupid? Do you not understand what I did? You acknowledge it, but it doesn't seem to process in your head! Flake, I love you so much. I have loved you since the start of the Sehnsucht album. You think this doesn't hurt me too? All I want is for us to be happy...but...I think we can both agree on...that...we need a break." Till finally comes to the conclusion to his rant. He lets out a frustrated sigh before turning to face the floor.

"What?" I stammer out, tears forming in my eyes.

No...this can't be happening...