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Chapter 21: The Wake-up Call

[Author's note: Hey, guys! Heads up on this chapter. I did my best to describe what an anxiety attack would be like through Till's perspective. This entire chapter shows his vulnerability and how he hates himself and refuses to forgive what he has done to others. For those with anxiety, this might hit a little too close to home. Just be aware, okay? You're loved and cared for. With that being said, let the chapter begin!]

TILL'S POV

I open my door and slowly walk in. I hear Flake's car pull out to leave as I close my door. I stand there and let out a sigh.

Oh, Gott. Flake left. He left. He's gone and I...I pushed him away. Why am I such an idiot! I ruin everything for everyone I can't think of a time where I made a situation better. I...I can't be alone here with these thoughts running through my head.

I walk over to my tv and turn it on. Maybe something will catch my attention and distract me long enough to forget about this night and its wretched events.

I switch through the channels and find a strange show about a dark-skinned family living in a predominantly white neighborhood. I decide to watch for a bit before it gets too much for me. My mind is not in the right place at the moment. I cannot even find joy in things like these. I continue to change the channels until I land on the news. I stay put and watch for a bit; maybe something wholesome will distract me.

But no. Only more violence and a missing person announcement. I sigh and reach for the remote once more. Right as I am about to, something catches my eye.

"It's just in; keyboardist and author of the book Der Tasten Flicker, Christian Lorenz or commonly known as Flake, was critically injured in some sort of car accident. His body was immediately transported to the nearest hospital. Investigations are already being done as we speak. Let's get a better insight on this. Onto you, Sabine."

What? No...NO

DON'T FUCK WITH ME, BRAIN

I DON'T NEED NEWS LIKE THIS

PLEASE TELL ME IT'S FAKE

Please...

I can't lose him like this...

"Well, we did an interview with the policeman that found the car Doktor Lorenz was in at the time of the accident. Apparently nothing was found in his proximity to have accounted for this sudden turn of events. Nothing more has been said from Officer Jakob."

"Thank you, Sabine, for your report on this unfortunate accident. My thoughts and prayers go out to this keyboardist and his loved ones."

I grab the remote and immediately shut off the tv. My breathing becomes heavier, and my heart begins to rapidly race.

I have to go see him. I have no choice. He needs me now more than ever.

Oh Gott...my head feels so light and everything...my body, my arms, my legs...all of that seems so heavy.

I stand up and lean against the wall. Maybe this will calm my tense nerves a bit. I attempt to relax but fail miserably as my heart begins to pound faster. I can feel my heart's intense beat within my throat. I place a hand over my throat and attempt to reason to myself. Once again, I fail miserably. Nothing screams louder than YOU ARE TO BLAME.

I walk over to my closet and grab a coat to wear. As I put it on, I slam the doors of the closest shut.

What is this? Anger? Sadness? Am I scared?

So much runs through my head I put my hands to my ears and try to pace my breath. It stabilizes my anxiety for a bit. It won't last though-not with this head of mine.