Infatuated

6. I'm Sorry?

     The following three weeks were absolutely marvellous. We went on romantic dates that made me feel all giddy inside. We texted each other what felt like 24/7. I felt like I was in a love story, like the ones you would read in books or watch in movies. Everything was perfect. Every time I saw Zayn I just wanted to go up on my tippy-toes and crash his lips onto mine. He and I, it just felt so right, like nothing could break us apart. The public didn’t know about us, only the girls and his band knew, as well as both of our families. It was good this way, because the public wouldn’t understand us; they would just judge and assume. It was all perfect until I went on Twitter.

     “Good t be in America ! Can’t wait for the tour ! hahaha,” Niall’s tweet displayed. I feel my heart drop down to the ground. One Direction were in America? He wouldn’t, he just wouldn’t. I regained control of myself as I typed in Zayn’s twitter into the search bar. “Hello usa :) x x” I bit my lip as I read his tweet in my head. Why wouldn’t he tell me? He didn’t even tell me about a tour, hell, he didn’t even tell me he was leaving. I didn’t know whether to be angry or sad. “Good luck in America! Have lots of fun :D Perrie <3” I tweeted to Niall. Zayn would definitely see it, but I didn’t know how I would react if he tried to contact me. Ignore him? I didn’t have the heart to, or at least, I thought. I tried to face the fact that he was in another country, but that just made me even more upset; upset to the point where I felt a single tear roll down my cheek. No, I wasn’t going to cry over him, I thought as I wiped the tear away.

     I made a big mistake as I had left my Skype signed in. I stared at the notification that informed me that Zayn was calling me. Just as I moved my cursor to answer the call, I made a decision and declined his call. “Please Perrie, talk to me.” He immediately sent through chat. I had to be strong and ignore that as well. If he could lie to me for weeks, telling me that he didn’t know when he was leaving for America, I could ignore him as well. Within five minutes, he had called at least five times. I gave up on the sixth call. “What.” I said coldly as I answered his call, staring into his eyes through the screen. Even through webcam he looked gorgeous…even with jet lag he looked perfect. But he wasn’t perfect, he hurt me.

     I could see the sadness in his eyes, a bit of guilt as well, as if he wished he had told me that he was leaving. “Please just let me explain…” He said softly. I said nothing as I sat back in my seat. “I didn’t tell you because I was… scared. I really like you Perrie and I was afraid if I told you, you wouldn’t want this kind of long distance relationship thing…and we wouldn’t have worked out. I was afraid of losing you.” He said, putting emphasis on the ‘you.’ I scoffed, it sounded like a copy and paste out of a romantic movie. “Didn’t you think to ask me, why would you just take off? It’s not like you’re close somewhere like Scotland, you’re in fucking America!” I said angrily. He knew I didn’t curse unless I was really ticked off. Good. “It wasn’t that easy you don’t underst-” I cut him off, “Save it Zayn, if you really wanted me you would have told me, regardless if I cared about the distance or not.” I snapped and ended the call.

     I took a deep breath to calm myself. He made me free like an emotional wreck. One second it was all happy and fairy-tale like, then the other was like a dark, gloomy and rainy day. I guess this is what all guys I dated did to me, made me feel like absolute shit. “Sorry @PerrieLittleMix :( ” a tweet notification popped up, immediately flooded by hundreds of tweets and retweets. As outing his apology would help, it would only cause suspicions. “Ughhhh.” I groaned as I buried my head in my hands. I just wanted to sleep and wake up with everything perfectly back in place, but I knew I couldn’t.

The next morning

     The girls and I were having a interviewing on BBC Radio 1. He asked us about our single, “Yeah we’re working on it, same with the album. Things are coming along really great, you guys will be hearing our first ever single soon that we co-wrote!” Jade answered as we erupted in cheers, though mine was false. All I could think about was Zayn. Was our relationship ruined? Could it be even fixed? “Now Perrie, we want the inside scoop. You and Zayn, are you guys a thing? Because you guys tweet an awful a lot to each other on Twitter and last night, it seemed that he was apologising for something?” He asked me, directly staring at me. “Uhm…” I said as I pondered on what to say, I was panicking inside. “You know, we’re just really good friends, nothing more.” I said as I put a smile on my face. He raised his eyebrows as if he didn’t believe me. “Well that certainly explains on why he called in to request this song and dedicate it to some bird named Perrie Louise Edwards.” He said chuckling. “And we’ll be right back with Little Mix after this song!” He added as it cut to the music. I could already tell what song it was from the first few notes. It was “What Hurts The Most” by Rascal Flatts.

     “I’m sorry I need a minute.” I said as I slipped off my seat, feeling the tears spring to my eyes, excusing myself, making my way to the restroom.