Denial

Not Real

"What do you mean you don't?" Ashtem asked, watching as Norman took his hand away slowly. Norman's heart ached, trying to stay calm while feeling dreadful.

It took some time to think over that question, and to come up with a proper response. How could he even explain to Ashtem, anyway? Maybe his brain wasn't wired to like someone of the same gender. Maybe Norman thought Ashtem was too scary or evil. Or maybe he was simply wasn't interested in him, though that might be pretty risky to say. Showing any disapproval towards Ashtem was risky enough, and he knew what that could lead to. Or perhaps...

Norman could use Ashtem's weapon against him. Although it was more of a belief, it was potentially a weapon. Maybe it would be less risky than blatantly rejecting his leader.

"Ashtem, you know what you once told me. I shouldn't have any soft spot for anyone here. Only I myself matter. I'm simply your co-leader and top Blader; you're simply my leader. Nothing more," he tried to explain to him, though it sounded much more dramatic than he expected. Those words once sounded hollow and emotionless, but Norman was half-shocked to see the effect it had on Ashtem. "I'm sorry. If that's what you're trying to tell me, then I can't accept right now."

He could feel how shocked — even if it was only a little — Ashtem was. It threatened Norman into taking it back, but he didn't. "Exactly what I told you, Gold Eye. You seem to understand what I expect from everyone here." he sighed out quietly. "I'm only your leader, is that right?"

"Yes, Ashtem."

"You're loyal to me, and I appreciate that. And by any chance, are you willing to obey my orders? Specifically, the one saved just for you."

Norman's consciousness almost collapsed like a building. His brain spun in both confusion and slight surprise; was he found out? He didn't really understand what Ashtem wanted at all. Perhaps he was questioning his loyalty. Maybe he knew how rebellious he actually was. Either way, Norman was pretty confused. But at the same time, the darkest corner of his brain told him it could be a trick. Perhaps even a psychological trick. Maybe even one he couldn't get out of, once it had been done.

Is there even a way to say no at all? But what would happen if he said yes?

Heck, any way or chance to not respond at all? Norman had never completely ignored Ashtem before. He is stuck right now, and there's no doubt about it.

He turned his head, looking away from Ashtem. Whatever his leader wanted to say, it was probably not worth hearing anyway. There was no way Norman would let himself get lured in like that. And definitely no way he would obey even the most deadliest order. It might take years to hear what Ashtem wanted to say to him. And he hoped it took never to hear anything from him. The fact that the order had been saved for him just makes it a lot worse.

Ashtem noticed how he didn't care to respond. When Norman looked back, he noticed the terrible smirk. "I see. Perhaps I'll give you time so you can think about it. Maybe you just aren't ready right now, Gold Eye. Go off, now. If you have any questions, feel free to ask me. I'll answer them the best I can."

Now Norman took the chance to leave the room, although slowly. He didn't dare look at Ashtem, just in case his leader gets the wrong idea. Tonight had left him in great confusion, leaving confusing thoughts and questions. Somehow, he didn't feel so loyal now. He started to feel like going here was a good idea to begin with. The world was a dangerous place, but the Snake Pit was full of creepy you-know-whats. Maybe he was already going insane, and he was hallucinating about affection of some sort. Death didn't even like him, anyway.

But the real question is, why now? Norman never thought about what to do if some male decided to confess. It concerned him very much, and he had to remind himself of that.