The Adventures of Jinx Not-So-Malfoy

I Literally Don't Know Who I Am

Sorry for the wait, guys. I've had a lot going on recently, and haven't had much time to write. This is my first day off in ages. This chapter's a bit screwed up, but remember that Jinx isn't exactly in the best mental and emotional state right now. 

I stood my window, gazing out at the courtyard below. It still felt very uncomfortable to be there, even though it had already been five weeks since I'd arrived. I rubbed my left forearm, where the Dark Mark was burned into my skin. I kept it covered most of the time, while many other Death Eaters showed theirs off with pride and often had their sleeves rolled up. To make up for it, I had taken to wearing long, tight dresses with revealing necklines. 

At that moment my dress was black and floor-length. It had a very deep v-neck, which was uncomfortable and rather unflattering as I was considerably lacking in the chest area. It was so tight that I could hardly breathe, and I was wearing high heels so tall I was surprised I hadn't broken an ankle yet. According to my mother, it was a very appropriate outfit for a woman of my status, whatever the hell that meant. 

In other words, I hated what I was wearing. 

I had also become Voldemort's bitch, much to my displeasure. For the first little while, I had fed him false information about the Order that Mad-Eye and I had come up with before. After I'd told him "everything I knew", he started asking me for advice about the movements of the Death Eaters and how the Order would respond. Everything I told him was complete and utter bullshit, but for some odd reason he never once doubted my loyalty. Meanwhile, I discreetly sent my Patronus back to the Order with information weekly. 

My double agent game was strong. 

My family was also thrilled to have me back. Draco and I were supposedly close than ever, but half the things that came out of my mouth were lies, so it didn't feel real to me. My mother was delighted to actually have a daughter to pamper again, and had taken to braiding my hair and shit like that. She, Bellatrix, and I had even gotten pedicures once. 

Pedicures. 

In the middle of a goddamn war. 

In another life, I would've loved to go for a pedicure with my mom. I would've loved to be close to my brother. But I was not so lucky. I was forced to fight against my family, lie directly to their faces, and eventually double-cross them.

Just because it's the right thing to do. 

In my time here, I had also learned that the right thing was never the easiest thing. The right choice is always the one that is the hardest to make. It's also the choice that will make people either love you or hate you, no in between. That's what determines if someone is brave or not. Bravery is having the guts to make the right choice, regardless of the consequences. I was brave. I always had been. I'd known that for a long time. But never in my life did I wish I was a coward more than I did then. 

A knock on the door interrupted my epiphanic moment. I turned to see my mother standing there. 

"Jessica," she said. "How are you today, darling?"

"I am well," I replied. "And you, Mother?"

"I am well as well," my mother said. "What are your plans for today?"

I shrugged. "I thought I might take a look a the library. It's been a while since I have done any studying of sorts."

My mother smiled pleasantly (meaning that her smile could curdle milk) and nodded. "I think that would be an excellent idea. You and Draco could study together, and catch up on what you are missing at Hogwarts this year."