Forked Roads Back

58 - TESSA

THE NEXT MORNING, I wake first. Hell, who am I kidding, I haven't slept at all.

Jamie fell asleep with his head on my stomach, wrapped around me, his breath tickling my naked tummy as he dreamed. As he slept, my mind ran marathons, overthinking everything as it usually did, when actually it was pretty simple.

In a quiet moment, catching our breath, he had told me he didn't want to get married for another year or two. It was a relief in a way, because it gave us time, but it was also a relief because I knew both Mum and Dad would freak at us getting engaged so young. It isn't the same for us as it is with Danny and Charlotte, as they had been together since they were fifteen. For us, we had only known each other three years, and together for that same amount of time. Mum would argue we didn't know each other yet, but I could argue differently.

Jamie knew my darkest deepest secrets. He knew about Archie. He knew my weird insecurities, and he knew I was damaged, yet he loves despite all those things. Because of all those things. And I know him too. I know his family mean the world to him, and that he would do absolutely anything for them. I know his hopes and his dreams are what make him the man he is, and I know his humility is one of the most beautiful things about him.

But then there was that drawer, the drawer that was getting closer and closer to having to be opened.

Jamie knew I was going to be talking to Archie, and a tiny niggle in my mind makes me question whether he couldn't wait because he didn't want me to go to New York without being engaged... but I liked to think that Jamie trusted me at least. He wouldn't do that... He wouldn't propose because he wanted to stake his territory.

Would he?

But that was just it isn't it. By saying yes to Jamie, I'm closing that door that leads to Archie firmly shut. Even if he did want it for me in the first place, a tiny part of me was hoping that maybe he would come out fighting for me. But...obviously not.

Everything we had, our connection, it was all a lie, something he could apparently toss to the side as if it was nothing, whilst leaving me gasping for air. However that doesn't mean I won't go and see him in New York. Jamie and I both know I won't be able to move forward properly unless we talk it out, and if it ends with us never speaking to each other again, well at least we would have had the conversation.

Millie had told Archie about Jamie pretty soon after we got together. Pretty soon after that I had my fainting episode, but I chose to believe at the time that it was a coincidence, and that his voice in my head was my imagination. But I am glad she told him. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt him, and I knew that I could have told him myself I would have, so Millie was the next best thing.

The same goes for now. I didn't want to go to New York and have to spring the news on him. I wanted him to know, because it was the right thing to do, and I knew Millie was the only one who could help me there. If he found out any other way, it would hurt him, and despite what he did, I can't do that.

Sighing, I carefully untangle myself from Jamie and pull the shirt Jamie evacuated last night when we got home. Grabbing a glass of water, I head out onto the patio outside the cabin with Jamie's hoodie. It's still early, but the seat is warm when I sit down, already heated by the sun's morning rays.

Dialling Millie's number, I take a deep breath as it rings. In fact I'm just about to hang up, thinking she must still be asleep, when something makes a noise.

"Hello?" I ask quietly, not sure why I'm whispering.

"Tess?" Millie answers, sounding very much awake.

"Hey! Sorry I thought I got your answerphone there," I laugh.

"Nope, it's the real me! How are you doing? It's been weeks! Aren't you coming home soon?"