Flowers for you

Tansy

I breathe out. I reach my hand out to knock on the door when it swings open. My hand is stuck mid air as I stare at Jasper and he stares right back at me.

I open my mouth to speak but found no words, so I close it again.

"You forgot your car," he points out and I feel my cheeks burn as I glance at the garage and my car was still there. I had totally forgotten about it. I clear my throat, silently thanking the gods that his uncle had not arrived home yet.

"Right," I reply, nodding too much. "I was going to get it so, uhm, I'll be getting it now."

I turn away from him, mentally kicking myself for acting like this around him just because he kissed, sort of, me.

"Pat, wait," he says, and I stop, turning to look at him over my shoulder.

"Yeah?"

He rubs the back of his neck, avoiding my eye. "Sorry, about earlier. I didn't- I just- I don't know what got into me. It was a mistake, I'm sorry."

The word mistake echoes in my head. It hurt more than it should. I give him a small nod.

"Right," I say and turn towards my car.

"It's not that I didn't want to," he says quietly, I almost missed it and I want to stop walking and turn to him and tell him that I felt the same, but we already crossed too many lines and...Jasmine. My god. What if we found her and she finds out that Jasper and I have this weird...thing going on? No. It's not only about Jasmine but also Nathan. I can't do this to him.

I get inside my car. "Me too." I whisper to myself and back out their driveway.

When I park my car at our garage, I don't step out immediately. Instead, I stay there for I don't know how long trying to understand what I had just felt. I knew it was wrong and a part of me was afraid I was going back to my old self. The one I have tried so hard to control. Nathan was everything a girl could ask for and doing, or event thinking about Jasper was wrong. Was this already considered emotional cheating? I sigh and finally step out the car and walk over to our front door.

I still had the sweet pea tucked inside my palm. I didn't have the courage to tell Jasper about it. I didn't think it was a good idea at the time. I walk through the door and almost scream my guts out when I find Nathan standing in the kitchen trying to seduce spot with peanut butter.

"Nathan," I say, breathlessly, like I had just almost been caught doing something bad. Then something hits me as quickly. "How did you get in?"

I didn't even notice him. All I did was get my car at Jaspers, I would have seen him at the sidewalk or entering my house from where I had gotten my car. The hairs on my back stand and I wait for his response. He seems to ignore me before his warm eyes land on mine and I somehow feel relieved. He didn't see me come from Jasper's house.

"I know where you keep the spare key, silly," he says casually as he finally gives spot the peanut butter. "And I thought I'd surprise you."

He smiles as he saunters over to me to wrap his arms around my shoulder. I don't feel as calm as I used to. Something was wrong but I could not point out what it was. He pulls away from me, his eyes tinged with worry.

"I hope you don't mind," he says.

It takes me a moment before I shake my head, chuckling softly. This was my boyfriend. There was no reason to feel so uncomfortable around him.

"Sorry," I say, and he smiles, making me smile back as it eases my tension away. His eyes fall on the crushed sweet pea in my hand.

"What is that? Are you starting an interest with gardening?" he says this like a joke but there was an edge to his voice I could not quite decipher. I debate whether I should tell him or not and somehow take too long because his grip on my shoulder tightens, the smile on his face forced.