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(Trigger Warning: dysphoria, mentions of transphobia)

Roman
Patton

Patton stood in his bathroom, he shirt pulled up so it exposed his binder. He didn't have enough money for top surgery so he was stuck with a binder. He felt dysphoria swamp him, was it worth being a boy? Maybe it was easier to just give up. What would his friends think? His parents already hated him... if he went back to being a girl maybe they'd love him again.

So many thoughts flooded his mind and he took off his binder and lowered his shirt. A tear fell down Patton's face as he looked at himself. He quickly put his binder back on, he needed to snap back into his senses.. he was a boy no matter what. He repeated it to himself and went out of his bathroom.

Patton headed to his bed and reached for his phone, he needed someone to talk to, not about his problem but just to keep his mind off it. After scrolling through his contacts he called the one and only Roman Prince.

Hello Patton, how are you this fine day?

I'm great! Just wanted to talk to you. Anything planned?

Nope, you?

I got nothing to do... oh! Do you want to come over?

Sure Pat, I'll be there soon. See ya soon.

See ya soon.

And with that, they hung up. Patton smiled brightly, he's had a crush on Roman for a long time. While he enjoyed his other friends company, he would be lying if he said that Roman's wasn't his favorite. Patton laid down on his bed and looked at the ceiling, he and Roman lived twenty minutes away so Patton still had some time to kill.

Patton got out of his bed and went to his kitchen, he was going to make Roman's favorite cookies: Red velvet and white chocolate chip. He turned on some music and got to work on the dough. He sang along softly as he cooked.

"She knows this feeling all to well,
She feels her heart began to swell,
Handsome stranger,
You have made her insides turn to jelly

"She wants to dance around the room,
Kiss you until her lips are blue,
But happy stranger you have made her wonder,
Is she... pretty?

"And it's to late,
She believes in fate,
She's absolutely smitten,
She'll never let you go

Patton's arm grew tired as he stirred the ingredients together but he kept mixing the soon-to-be-dough.

"You see that girl yeah She's the one,
With cupid's arrow in her bum,
Handsome stranger you have made her happy,
First in a long time

Once he finished the mix he rolled the dough into spheres and put them one the pan, 4 columns and 3 rows. He put them in the preheated oven and sighed happily.

"Did you just whisper in her ear?
Words she only dreamed to hear?
Pretty lady,
Look at how he's smiling,
I think he likes you

"And it's too late,
You believe in fate,
You're absolutely smitten,
You'll never let her go,

"Ohhh,
And it's too late,
I believe in fate,
I'm absolutely smitten,
I'll never let you go."

Patton looked down with a soft smile, waiting for the cookies to fully bake. He raised his gaze to think sink which had dirty dishes in them. He walked to the sink and started to clean them, his music still playing in the background which he could barely hear over the loud water running from the sink faucet. He put some dish soap on the sponge which were both next to the sink. He began to scrub the plate that laid on the top if the pile.

Living alone had its advantages, for one there weren't as many dishes to do. Also you can act as weird as you want and no one would know or care. However it gets extremely lonely and quiet and Patton is not the type to enjoy silence. He only has a few friends and he hates to bother them so most of the time he  just deal with it, thinking it's better than being a bother.

However every once in a while he'll get invited to something or he'll invite his friend(s).

He put the now clean dish in the other  part if the sink and moved on to the next one. He had to get the cookies out of the oven in about five minutes so he planned on cleaning until then.

Five minutes later he heard a loud beep and almost dropped the spoon he was cleaning. He set it down carefully and pulled the cookies out of the oven, it filled the kitchen with its sugary sent causing Patton to take a sniff. He put the pan on the island so they could cool and he walked to the livingroom to watch some tv until Roman arrived, he wasn't in the mood to clean anymore dishes.

He sat on the couch and turned on Love Simon, his favorite movie of all time. After 15 minutes he heard a knock on his door.

Patton bolted to the door, he opened it and greated his crush with a bright smile. He couldn't help but blush slightly as he saw him, Roman was wearing a red tee-shirt with a gold grown design in the middle, he also wore blue jeans that were ripped purposefully.

"Hey Pat- " Roman took a sniff "did you make cookies?!"

"Yeah! Red velvet and white chocolate chips." He giggled as Roman's face lit up with excitement. Patton let him in and the prince like man practically ran to the kitchen and Patton followed after him.

When he got there Roman had already gotten to work on one of the cookies. He looked at Patton with a bright smile.

"Thanks!" His voice was muffled by the cookie in his mouth

"No talking with your mouth open Ro!" The bubble man scolded resulting in the man before him quickly swallowing

"Thanks!" He repeated clearly this time and Patton nodded

"Anything for my best friend." Roman grabbed another but before he could take a bite Patton took it and took q bite instead.

"You're going to pay"

"How so?"

"Ummm..... you'll see!" Patton chuckled at that and rolled his eyes.

"Anything you want to do?" That resulted in Roman listening at least twenty ideas, some were way to...  extra to say the least.

We spent the rest of the day binge watching Parks and Recreation together. Sadly he had to go at 5 to go to a family dinner, so we said our goodbyes and he left. I felt alone once more... maybe tomorrow he'd try to have all his friends over. Patton walked to his room and stripped to his boxers, he laid on top of the covers in his cold room with his eyes closed. It was too early to fall asleep so he just stared at the ceiling and thought about things.

His most occurring thought was his friends and the fact they has no idea he was trans... he didn't know how they'd react if he told them. Sure, maybe they'd understand but.. they all for the most part hate change, so he knew it probably be good. Thankfully he has never slipped up and said something about his binder or dysphoria on accident. Well... there was one incident when he was ranting to Virgil and he accidentally said something about his dysphoria.

"I mean I just can't believe my parents, they don't care about me even with all the pain I've been through" Virgil nodded to show he understanded and took a sip of his drink.

"For god's sake do they know how hard it is to have dysphoria everyday?!" Virgil looked up at Patton with wide eyes and Patton realized what he said

"Depression! I mean depression, I have no idea how dysphoria came up, I'm not even trans" Patton felt relieved as Virgil nodded again, showing he believed him.

Yeah... that moment definitely made him more cautious about what he says.

Patton turned to looked at the clock, suprised to see it was already 8 pm... he might as well get some sleep. Patton forced his eyes shut and drifted to sleep.

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