Tell Me I'm an Angel (Frerard)

Entry Two: Three Days After Death

Entry Two: Three Days After Death

No matter how often I scrub myself with the ice cold water in the bathing pits, I don't think I will ever feel clean again. I am disgusted with myself and what I have done...that's right, I had successfully completed my first assignment, and in record time for a newbie apparently. It had only taken me one day to convince the poor kid to jump off the Golden Gate Bridge...

He had been so young...maybe eighteen tops. He reminded me of Mikey, which only added to my self-revulsion. I hadn't even put in that much effort, all I had to do was hang around the bar he frequented where he would drink himself numb with his fake ID.

Just being around me increased his depression; the demon named Bob, who was basically my instructor, had explained to me that we all give off our own auras depending on what our jobs were and how we had died. Some demons had violent ones that convinced people to torture and kill, some had ones that gave off lust, greed, or the sense of envy...pretty much any of the seven deadly sins.

As you can guess, mine gave off a sense of desolation and loneliness. Any human who came in contact with me began to suffer from depression, and the effects increased with the amount of time they spent around me. If that person already happened to be suicidal, then it was even worse for them...they basically didn't stand a chance.

So when I followed the kid (oh god - I didn't even know his name) home from the bar, he had finally done it and taken a plunge over the side of the bridge. It had taken all the self-control I possessed not to jump over after him and carry him to safety, but in doing that, I would reveal myself to all the carefree motorists on the bridge, and the existence of some sort of supernatural creature would become known to the world.

Still...it was so tempting, I wish someone had been able to stop me before I had made the biggest mistake of my life, but my fear of Lucifer had won out, so I just sat there and watched his body tumble into the cold waters below with silent tears streaming down my face.

Speaking of Lucifer, he was quite proud of me. He had called me in for a private audience on my return and congratulated me for my speedy success. He told me that he expected great things from me in the future...just thinking of his sickening smile makes me shudder.

I don't know how I am going to continue this. He hasn't given me my next assignment yet, but I know it is only a matter of time.

Bob tried to comfort me, he isn't half bad for a demon, and he is the only one here who really talks to me. He assured me that over time, my human emotions would fade, and I would begin to relish my tasks instead of dreading them.

I don't know if I want that to happen or not...it would almost be better to die my final death and cease to exist completely then to have to go through this again.

I had made Bob explain to me how it was possible for us to die again, since the whole concept was really fuzzy to me. Apparently, when you die as a human, your soul still lives on, even though your body doesn't, but if you are killed as a demon, your soul ceases to exist, and there is no coming back. No one knows what happens to your consciousness after that, but the general population believes it is all utter blackness that lasts for eternity, but demons can't kill themselves...we just heal unless Lucifer himself or an angel delivers the final blow.

I don't know what to do with myself...I am almost hoping that an angel interferes with my next mission and finishes me off so I don't have to watch another poor soul turn into this awful retched thing that I have become.

I still can't believe all of this is real...I mean I am a freaking demon. A week ago I didn't even believe they existed. All of this is insane! Heaven...hell...angels...demons...I was never a religious man, and that has come back to bite me in the ass.

I basically just try to shove the strangeness of my new reality to the back of my mind so I don't have a complete mental breakdown by trying to digest all of this at once, but in silent moments like this, when I am alone with my thoughts, I truly believe I am going insane.

Maybe this is all some terrible dream...tomorrow, I will wake up, and go see Mikey, and tell him how much I love him, and how I will never leave him. Yeah - that's it...this is some whole Christmas Carol shit to show me all the terrible things that will happen to me if I commit suicide, and I will wake up a changed man and never touch the pills or booze again. I really wish I could believe that...

This is really short, I know but I didn't know what else to add for this chapter since I am still working on setting this story up, but bear with me, the chapters won't all be this short.

Frank should show up in the next chapter or two :) Yay angel Frankie!

So if you liked it, comment, vote, all that jazz, and you will make my day :)

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