quixotic. ↣ d.h.

liv: understand

 "so, what'd you think? it's one of my favorites." zoe switched the tv off and turned to face dan, eyes sharp, ready to pounce on any criticism he may share. she was rather protective of her favorite things, as it was often the case that they had saved her more than anything in reality ever had.

dan eyed the rolling credits of the movie for a few moments longer. "it was nice, but... sad." he frowned at her. "why is everything you love so sad?"

the playful tones were gone from both of their voices. zoe turned away from him.

"hey, no. look at me." dan reached out with a careful hand and pressed it to her cheek, gently turning her face until their eyes met again. "it's okay, i don't mind. but i want to know."

he glanced over to her open bedroom door to make sure her parents weren't lurking before pressing a chaste kiss to her lips. "i want to know you."

she smiled, just barely, and leaned a little closer to him. her voice was soft so that no one but the two of them would be able to hear. everything was a secret for zoe.

"i think sadness shows the true depths of people. i read something once that mentioned how airports and hospitals see more heartfelt kisses than wedding chapels, and it made me realize... we're only real when we're on the brink of losing something. or someone. that's when we're in the gutter, stripped of whatever pride or dignity we weigh ourselves down with every other day of our lives. the only time you can be certain that what you're seeing of someone is genuine is when they're breaking."

dan's heart sunk low in his chest, but he realized that zoe was right, again. he was beginning to see the world in her dim, gray-colored light.

"i think i understand now..." he said, mind racing to arrange the puzzle pieces he'd been collecting since the day he and zoe had met. "you don't trust people very easily, right?"

she shook her head.

"people lie. they can pretend to be something they're not, and you may not realize the truth until they've already hurt you, and that's terrifying. but when people are hurting, they aren't capable of pretending anymore..."

"so you know that they're being real," zoe finished. "and they can't hurt you. not without you knowing."

and everything clicked for dan. zoe wasn't a paper girl, in love with her screens and creased pages and false realities; she was real. heart-wrenchingly so, in a world where everything and everyone else was a facade. she'd only turned to all of these other things because she'd grown tired of searching for realities in the deceiving world around her.

"i think i understand now," dan said.

zoe smiled, just barely. "i believe you may be the first one to."