grey is the truth | jaeyong

10.pain

Turning the key inside the door locker, Jaehyun opened the door slowly. It was eleven p.m, the living room was sank in the indigo of sky night while shining in blue by the moonlight.

Jaehyun was a bit surprised that Taeyong sleeps this early.

By the way he couldn't ignore how tired and sleepy he was, maybe it's a good idea if he sleeps too.

After changing into some comfy clothes and brushing his teeth, Jaehyun walked towards the bed slowly. He looked at the boy cuddling to the blanket while sleeping.

The dark night was painting his fragile body in black and indigo while half of his upper body and his face were shining in blue under the moonlight.

Jaehyun sat on the bed looking at Taeyong. He was so calm.

Jaehyun could see that his eyelids and lips were a bit swollen and his skin was pailer than usual.

Did he cry?

Jaehyun sighed sadly. His fingers were dancing between Taeyong's hair. Then he realized that Taeyong was wearing a dark green sweater. It surprised Jaehyun cause they were in the middle of summer and the weather was so hot even at nights.

Was Taeyong that cold weather to wear a sweater?

The boy shifted a bit in his sleep, moving his arm a bit causing his sleeve to go up.

Then Jaehyun could see a white bandage around Taeyong's wrist. It was a bit bloody, now he found out the reason of wearing that sweater. Poor boy just wanted to hide those scars. Jaehyun frowned.

You did it again huh?

Jaehyun lied on the bed watching Taeyong's sleeping face. He holded that shaky skinny hand. Caressing Taeyong's bony fingers. Why his entire existence is sorrowful?

He never cries in front of Jaehyun, always having a little smile with his tired eyes trying to look happily, he never objects about his life or having abusive parents, he talks really normally about all the horrible things that happend to him.

Then why even his silence is more painful than a thousand years of crying?

But that's how Jaehyun accepted him, with all the pain and scars that Taeyong had. He knew that after the night passes all he sees is a quiet smiling boy ignoring his last night tears and scars.

How beautifully he cared ahout Jaehyun to not make the man sad with his own pains.

But Jaehyun didn't want it, he didn't want Taeyong to have any sorrow that needs to be hidden. He wanted to heal them all.

Jaehyun pulled Taeyong's hand closer to him, putting his lips softly on the boy's wrist, kissing his scars.

Then he approached Taeyong, holding that shaky body between his warm arms while kissing Taeyong's soft hair.

even if it'd be only once, i want to see you smile truthfully

~~~~~~~

Taeyong opened his eyes by a knocking sound. It was like knocking pin on the wall. He yawned softly scretching his body. Looking around, Jaehyun wasn't there.

The knocking sound got louder.

Taeyong got up from the bed while yawning.

What is he doing?

The boy walked inside the living room, he saw Jaehyun standing on a chair while he was slamming a pin on the wall with a hammer.

"What are you doing?"

Jaehyun looked behind him by Taeyong's tired voice. He smiled sweetly as always.

"Oh, good morning Taeyongie~"

Jaehyun came down from the chair, Taeyong looked at the three pins which were in one line on the wall.

"What are those for?"

Jaehyun walked towards a framed canvas, picking it up and walking back towards the wall which now had three pins on.

That canvas was Taeyong's portrait, completed and framed by a nice colored wood.

"For this"

Jaehyun was trying to hang the canvas on the pins.

"Oh come on, it's really embarrassing"

Jaehyun smiled proudly when the canvas become stable, he walked back so he could watch the painting from afar.

"It's beautiful! It made me to meet a wonderful person like you, so it's beautiful"

Jaehyun putted his arm around Taeyong's shoulder, smiling at the portrait. He wanted to fill the whole place with Taeyong's existence.

~~~~~~~

Days and night were keep passing, all of them were different with each other. Nothing had the same color.

It scared Taeyong, scared of how nothing can have the same old discipline.

Why he smiles at me? Why he cares for me? What's with this freindly tune? Why whenever i don't want he won't touch me? Why he doesn't force me to do the things that i hate?

Everything about Jaehyun was strange and foreign.

Taeyong looked at the pill on his hand, that pain was the only thing that never had changed. He could feel that his condition was getting worse. Sometimes even breathing normally or swallowing food was hard for him, he was getting skinnier and he had several fevers that were worrying Jaehyun.

He begged the boy to go to the hospital many times, but that never should be happening.

But how could he continue hiding?

Taeyong putted the pill inside his mouth, the bitter spot feeling on his tongue, it was like sinking his whole body in a black colored sleep, a color for blocking his eyes from the truth. That bitterness was sweet for him.

As if he was prefering it over Jaehyun.

What a pathetic act and he knew it. But it was a process from twenty years of living. Letting it go was not that easy. Besides he knew nothing can heal his pain, so having a temporary calmness was all he could do, even though it had many dangerous effects.

Still the boy was feeling like a piece of trash whenever he was seeing Jaehyun's worried face. He couldn't understand why that man cares for him, it was weird.

Taeyong drinked some water to swallow the pill. How much hard that simple act was, cause all he could see was that painter man's bright smile.

Another pill to runaway from that feeling.