Equinox

CH. 5

CH. 5 (Emmett)

I spent the rest of my day trying to Distance myself from Elle, but it was hard since my entire family already knew about her, and Kate was her best friend.

Kate had warned me to stay away from her so i would respect her wishes. I would stay away since i wasn't in any position to be with her. I wish i could, she seemed like a cool girl and she's very beautiful...but i know i can't. Despite the fact that Rose has moved on and is happy it just seems wrong, it seems like i'm cheating on her or something.

I just wanted today to be over. I walked behind Kate as we went to study hall, she stopped at a class room and i watch as Elle walked out of the classroom with Jasper.

I hate that she's happy and it isn't me that's making her happy.

I want to go over to her, talk to her, or hold her hand once more.

She catches sight of me and i can't stand looking at her knowing that i will only hurt her so i avert my eyes and turn my head to stare at a wall. I felt Jasper's heated stare on me and i knew he wouldn't approve. But no one would understand. Yes she might be sad by me doing this right now, but she'll get over me eventually. Why lead her on when i know there can be no future.

I need to talk to Carlisle and Esme, they are the voice of reason.

I walked behind everyone as we entered the library.

I pulled out some random shit and my iPod from my messenger bag.

I put on some music to match my mood and began on my French assignments. This paper was mind numbingly easy seeing as i speak fluent french. I mean i know i could probably teach the teacher a thing or two. I easily conjugated verbs and fought the urge that coursed through me to look up at Elle.

No one understands that it hurts me so bad, knowing that i'm hurting her. All she wants is for me to like her and i can't. Not without leading her on. I need to figure myself out before i attempt to begin things with her.

I close my eyes after a while and i can see her from this morning, she was so happy and bubbly, then i switched to gym class, how her body moved with poise and her vibrant hair swung with ease. Her stunning eyes shining brightly, her plump lips smiling without thought.

I remembered French class, how she smiled a perfect smile at me and shyly looked away with her blush stained cheeks.

But after Kate talked to me and i knew i couldn't string her along, it wasn't fair to her, and no matter how much it hurt me i had to distance myself.

I knew it would be hard since the family members she has met are instantly putty in her hands, they adore her and would already do anything for her. I honestly do not look forward to seeing Alice, she'll probably throttle me since she already knows i've chosen to say away.

I hear a small huff and open my eyes just in time to watch Elle stand up and walk away from the table.

My heart aches.

I want nothing more than to get up and follow her, hold her face and stroke my thumb over her heated cheeks, kiss her full lips, and do anything and everything in my will to keep her from feeling hurt.

But i know that's wrong. I still Love Rose. I sigh in frustration at how fucked up my life is.

Edward was right, once when he thought Bella had killed herself he mumbled into the phone to Rose, something about "Maybe this is Hell, for why would the fates give you such a precious gift then rip it away from you." I now understand my brother fully.

I noticed both Jasper and Kate sending me heated looks, i glared back at them, Jasper's features softened a bit, i knew he could feel my internal battle with myself. But Kate held strong, not flinching.