LOVESICK

Chapter Forty One Pt.1 : My Colors

It's been another long week,
The family is still fragile,time seems to fly quicker than ever,I haven't been able to walk properly until yesterday and my ankle seems to be healing.

I rarely left my room,I've been going through stressful and low times,my mental health hasn't been in it's greatest,I can't leave my bed unless it's to eat or to use the bathroom,

Ivan was busy as usual,I don't even know with what,but I couldn't find out since I stayed in my room all day.

I watched the clock ticking,it was 11:45am
Time didn't interest me anymore,
To me,time is useless now,I still didn't go back to Ivan's room because I didn't feel like it,plus I'm still not forgiving him.

I heard a few knocks on my door interrupting my thoughts,I sighed and didn't answer,hoping whoever it is to think that i mist be sleeping and not disturb me because i look like an absolute mess right now.
I rolled over in my bed and ignored it,soon the door opened and closed,whoever was at the door let themself in,

They walked slowly around the bed,oh.
It's Ivan.
He walked to my side of the bed and kneeled down to be able to see my face,
He was wearing a simple black vest over a white shirt tucked into his black pants,he was healing well,he didn't ignore his medications and health,he was trying his best.

"I missed you" he smiled softly and leaned closer towards the bed,
"But you seem to be down lately,I wanted to spend some time with you but I didn't really...have the time"

"When did you ever," i sighed replying to him,
"I'm free now,i came to check on you" he stroked my hair,he got up and took off his cozy black slippers which he usually wears around the house because he doesn't like wearing shoes indoors,He lifted the covers up and slipped in next to me,

"Hey-" exclaimed in a little surprise,
He put his arms around me but i was afraid to lay my head on his chest because of his surgery,
"It's okay They took out the stitches,I'm good now" he explained when he noticed how hesitant i was to get comfortable,
I gently laid my head on his chest and covered myself again,

"Wanna tell me about why you've rarely left your room for the past week?" He started,
"I don't know,I'm just feeling empty lately,and i felt like getting out of bed was hard," I explained
"What do you usually do when you feel like this?" He asked,

"I grab my car keys and go out,drive somewhere far away,all alone from people,and just breathe in fresh air while i try to relax and think of what's annoying me," I answered not caring how much i was triggering him,
"Or call Alice and tell her about how I'm feeling down,or simply paint"

"You're still mad at me aren't you?" He sat up looking into my eyes,I didn't hesitate to nod and give him his answer,
"What can i do to make it up for you?" He took my hand and locked his fingers with mine,

"That's the problem Ivan" i sighed
"You can't fix anything. I don't know what i want,but i want something,and I'm not satisfied with anything"

"I'm not good at comforting,this is my first time...trying to comfort someone and I'm sorry if I'm messing up" He timidly apologized,
"You are mad about a lot of things,most of which are things that I can't fix no matter how rich i am,but I'm sure we can give our relationship a second chance"

"I never felt like i was in a relationship with you Ivan,i know that i love you,but we aren't dating we're just..ugh!" I groaned softly unable to find the words,
"Never mind you'll never understand"

"Then make me" he lowered his head letting his hair cover his eyes,
"Make me understand Irene"
"You don't need to understand because you'll forget about it when you're mad," i sighed turning around and closing my eyes shut,
He paused for a second then turned me over to him,