The Burden of Secrets

Chapter 11

Questions, Questions, Questions.

Should I really get in contact with Zach at all?  Should I really tell him about Dad? What would happen if he did want to meet him? How would I organise that without Mum knowing?  What if Dad didn't want to meet him?  My head throbbed as I walked home; the physical and emotional pain indistinguishable.

The warmth and silence of the house swarmed around me and I welcomed it.  I just wanted to sit in it and not think about anything.  Maybe I should be taking up meditation. God knows, my blood pressure needed bringing down lately.

I heard a dull thud coming from the back of the house.

Shit, maybe Dad had fallen again.

I opened the door to his makeshift bedroom in the dining room.

"Dad?"

The sight I saw was not one I ever wanted to see again. 

Dad was lying on the bed and my Mum was straddling him, her skirt hitched up, wearing only a bra on top. They looked sweaty and out of breath.

Mum turned and yelped as she saw me.

"Aah!" I yelped back as I turned and ran out of the room, and up to my bedroom as fast as I could.

"Ew, Ew, Ew!" I said out loud, pacing the room.

I had managed to avoid such an evasion of my senses in all these years; why had my luck ran out today? I rubbed at my eyes trying to erase the image.

I didn't think Dad would be able in his state.  I guess where there is a will there is a way.

My thoughts darkened. Mum has been going ahead and living -and sleeping -with him for all these years, not knowing that he has betrayed her.  Not knowing that he impregnated someone else.

I felt like I was in the aftermath of a bad asthma attack: my chest seared with pain and I felt weak and pathetic for having no control.  I didn't want to think about him.  I picked up the History essay and started to look at what I needed to do – I needed something to take my mind off it.

A few hours later, there was a soft knock on my door.

"Come in," I said, as I looked up from my phone.

Mum's head popped around the door.   From this angle it looked like her head was floating there. She stepped into the room, shattering the illusion.

"I wasn't sure if you had gone to Rangers training yet?"

Whitwell Rangers was the local team that I played for.  I had totally forgotten about training. It wasn't on my radar.  Wow, I really was distracted if I was forgetting about football.

"I can drop you there if you like?" Mum offered kindly.

I couldn't even feel the motivation to go now that I had been reminded.

"Nah, I am not going tonight."

"Oh!" Mum's eyebrows jerked up. "Well, food is ready if you are hungry."

The mention of food was enough to get me out of my pit.

I followed Mum down the stairs.   I could hear Dad's loud voice before I saw him. He was sat at the kitchen table, talking into his mobile.

"Look Eric, we just need to push this deal through, it should have been done by now.  We don't want the investors to get cold feet."

I slid into my usual chair and nodded a thanks to mum as she put a plate of steaming pasta in front of me.