Always | ✓

20. Saturdays

Yeah, I'm not sure what the hell is wrong with me.

I'm pretty sure that I'm an idiot but then again, at the same time, I feel like I might be a bit of a saint - not to too my own horn, of course.

Despite the fact that Liam hadn't explicitly asked me to do so, I convinced Julie to go out with Liam.

It wasn't really an easy job, since that girl just seemed to be lacking some confidence. People at her old school must have been horrible, to make her feel so down and bad about herself.

That's just mean and cruel.

I think I did manage to make her a feel somewhat better about herself, or at least I hoped so.

That's one of the best things about having friends around you, is that they give you a confidence boost when you need one. The amount of times I've Sara tell me I'm gorgeous when I wasn't really feeling myself. It really helped.

However, after all of that, when I got home later that day, I just stayed in my room.

I felt really tired, plus the everything from the party and then later talking to Julie about Liam, I was just knackered.

Although, I think I am getting better at making people believe all is good with me.

A small part of me wanted to yell, scream, cry, but I can't. I shouldn't feel sorry for myself, when I am the reason this is happening. I told him I would help him, that was on me.

So my first love is left incomplete, not everyone has to be whole, right?

***

It's been a week since that party.

I won't lie, school was getting to feel a little harder on some days, even if I was trying to not let it show.

Danny would sometimes give me a look when would I turn away from seeing Liam or Julie, and I'm worried he'll find out.

From what I know, they still haven't gone on their date yet, but the way they look at each other can sometimes be unbearable, to say the least.

Today, I'm just so glad today is a Saturday. I can shut myself off from the world for day...well, except for my parents.

After finishing with lunch with my parents, I headed up to my room.

I think my Mum is convinced that something is up with me, and I know my Dad thinks something as well. He'll occasionally give me this all-knowing smile, whilst distracting my Mum and I don't know what to think about that. He can't know...I think.

There are times where my Dad doesn't always know the right thing to say but I know he means well, and that's all I really want.

To be honest, I am afraid to tell someone what's going on.

It's mainly, because I know how stupid it is on my part, to be helping Liam with my his. But also, I'm scared to breakdown in front of someone.

I am not weak, I keep reminding myself.

So, as unhealthy as it is, I keep it all in. It'll go away, I just need time.

As I was heading up the stairs, I heard the doorbell ring. Before my Mum could shout for me to take it, I just decided to get a head start.

"I'll get it," I shouted.

When I opened the front door, I'm surprised to find someone who I didn't particularly want to see on my 'I'm going to shut myself off from the world' Saturday...