Winging It: Finding Faith ~ {A Rizzoli & Isles Fanfiction}

A Gamble

Maura's POV

"Maura, no one can tell you what to decide. But I will tell you that as a mother, I always do what's right for my family. I tell Jane that everyday- to do what's best for Emma. You have to think of Elizabeth," Angela explained to me.

I didn't know what to decide. No matter what I choose, someone gets hurt. If I end this pregnancy, I will go against everything I believe in and everything that's in my heart. I would strip this baby's life away. There's no way in hell that I would be able to do that. But if I continue with this pregnancy, not only is the baby's life in risk, but mine is too. My life would actually be in greater risk.

"None of these choices sound right," I cried out to her, "...It's not in me to end this pregnancy! But, if something were to happen to me, then Elizabeth would have to grow up without a mother! I can't let that happen!"

Angela reached over and rubbed my back, "None of the choices are right. You shouldn't have to make a decision like this, it's not fair."

"No, it's not. I can't have Elizabeth grow up without a mother, but...but I don't want to take away someone else's life for my own benefit."

"I think you already know your decision," she told me as she pulled me in for a hug.

Looking up at her, a tear rolled down my cheek as I responded, "To have this baby?" Instead of replying, Angela shurgged her shoulders and gave me one of her famous 'mother' looks. I continued, "But what if something happens to me?"

She shrugged her shoulders once again, kissed my forehead, and whispered, "It's a gamble you'll have to take."

I placed my hand on top of my stomach, trying to pretend that there was a bump there. I looked down at my stomach as Angela placed her hand on top of mine. "You're a strong woman, Maura. You'll get through this," she told me.

"Thank you Angela," I whispered to her. I know what my heart is telling me to do, but there's also a nauseating feeling in the pit of my stomach that is telling me differently. Jane would refer to this feeling as a gut instinct. I made a vow to myself a long time ago that I would only listen to my brain, not my gut. This situation is quite similar- I can either listen to my heart, or my gut.

No matter what I decide to go with, either my heart or my gut would make me sick. I would feel nothing but guilt from that moment on. My heart is also telling me to talk to someone else. Someone who should also have a say in this baby's life.

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Going back home, it was just Bret and myself. Angela decided to take Elizabeth over Jane's house for the night so Bret and I can talk privately about what is going on. I believe that he should have just as much as a say in this as I do.

After taking showers and getting changed into our pajamas, Bret and I sat up in bed to talk. "I know you said that you can't answer this for me, but what do you think we should do?" I asked him, staring blankly in front of me.

He thought about what he was going to say for a minute or two before answering, "You know Maur? The one thing my mother has always told me was to give somebody a chance. Now, whenever I think of the things that's happening now, I think of her and what she taught me."

"Okay..." I whispered, letting him know that I was listening.

He continued, "It isn't in my heart to abort this pregnancy. To me, it isn't fair to take away someone else's chance of living. I would normally be against this..."

"But you're not?" I asked.

He got off the bed and started pacing around the room the same way a high school senior would if they're waiting for a college acceptance letter. Turning to look at me, he stopped in his tracks and said, "...But I don't want to lose you. You're my rock, Maura. I have no idea what I would do without you. You and I? Christ, we've been through so much together..."