Winging It: Finding Faith ~ {A Rizzoli & Isles Fanfiction}

You're Safe Now

The past few days have been pretty awkward and embarrassing since Bret proposed. It's not that I don't love the man, I do! It's just that this was not the right timing. Lexi is still unconscious in the hospital and the team is still trying to catch her kidnappers. I would hate to get married when all of this is still going on.

Even though I rejected the proposal, Bret and I are still together- thank God. I have no idea what I would've done if we broke everything we have off. It's just that he will barely say two words to me now. It makes me feel terrible knowing that I broke his heart.

I would love to marry Bret one day- I love him so much and he means everything to me. My dream would come true if we would get married, be the perfect family, and live happily ever after. But unfortunately, those things just don't happen. They only happen in fairy tales and believe me when I say that this is not a fairy tale- it's far from it. 

Sitting at my island, I was drinking some espresso and watching Bret play with Elizabeth. He was playing Thomas the Train with her. Together, they built a railroad track that went around the entire living room. Elizabeth gets real excited when they play Thomas- it is the cutest thing ever. 

I like to sit back and watch Elizabeth play with her father. It makes me think about when I was a little girl and all I wanted was to play with my father, but he was always working. Watching them play also makes me incredibly grateful to have someone like Bret. He gives Elizabeth that father figure she needs. 

Soon enough, Aunt Jane walked through the door. "Howdy!" she hollered as she bombarded in my house. Elizabeth started to laugh and clap her hands when she saw Jane walk in. 

"Hi Jane," I softly greeted as I stood up to put my mug in the sink.

"Oh gee, it looks like someone had a rough night. How was date night last night?" she asked the both of us.

Bret and I looked over at each other and I slowly turned back to Jane. "Let me go get dressed and we will drive to work," I replied as I walked into the bedroom.

After coming back out, I basically rushed Jane out of the house. When we both sat in the car and put our seatbelts on, she asked me, "Now can you tell what the hell just happened in there?"

"Bret proposed to me last night."

"Oh Maura!" she esclaimed, nearly jumping out of her seat to hug me. "That's wonderful! But why was everything so... hostile in there?"

Rolling my eyes, I answered, "Because I said no."

"You said no?!"

"Yes. Well, yes I said no, not yes I said yes."

"Why did you say no?"

"Because, Jane. There's too much going on right now and it just wasn't the right time. I can't get married yet," I tried to explain.

She thought about what she was going to say for a few seconds before replying, "You don't have to marry him right after he proposes. You guys can always wait two years."

"I wouldn't have said yes anyway," I mumbled as I looked out my window. 

Jane began to drive as she asked, "What? Why?!"

"Because the way he proposed didn't feel right."

"What do you mean?"

I sighed at the thought of telling this story. "Well, he took me out to dinner and the waiter brought out a dessert tray and set it in front of me. Then when he took the top off, I saw a little black box surrounded by rose petals."

"Aw, Maur! That sounds absolutely perfect. What was wrong with that?"

"It wasn't him. I don't think that that's how he would've done it. It just feels like something Andrew would've done," I answered.

Jane just rolled her eyes at me as she drove us to work. I honestly don't understand what the big problem is with the proposal. It's not that I wanted to say no, but I felt like it was the right decision at the time. I can picture Bret doing something really fun and child-like when he proposed, not something extremely tradional. 

Pulling up to BPD, Jane told me, "Listen Maur. I understand that things may be a little complicated for you right now with Andrew being back and all, but you can't live in fear."

"What do you mean?" I asked her, getting out of the car.

As we walked into the police department and downstairs to the autopsy room, she explained, "You're afraid about what's going to happen when Andrew finds out you're back together with Bret. Not only would you be back together with him, but you're back together and engaged to be married. That would put you in a very strenuous situation."

"Yes, I suppose that would be pretty strenuous."

"And it's okay that it is. You're a beautiful, smart woman. You'll figure it out."

I smiled, "Thanks Jane. I just don't want to mess anything up."

"What are you going to mess up?" she questioned me.

"My relationship?" I answered, trying to stop my lip from quivering.

"Your relationship with Bret or Andrew?"

Not being able to control my emotions, I yelled, "I don't know! Let's just stop talking about this, please?"

Jane did a double take at me as I angrily walked into my office. "Maur, what is going on?" she asked.

"A lot, Jane. Andrew coming back ruined my relationship with Bret! If he proposed a few weeks ago, then I would've said yes! And then with Lexi still being unconscious, I just.... God."

"Oh, speaking of Lexi, I got a call this morning saying that she woke up."

"What?! Well then let's go see her!" I esclaimed, grabbing my purse and dodging for the door. Jane chuckled and followed me out of the building.

We hopped in her car and she drove over to the hospital in the intensive care unit that Lexi was residing in. As we reached her room, the doctors were taking her ventilator out. "Take in a deep breath for me please," the doctors told her as they removed the feeding tube. Lexi then began coughing which made Jane and I look at each other with pain in our eyes. 

The ventilator has always been one of the most painful things you could get while in the ICU. Just think about it- you have this large tube down your esophagus. I could only imagine how much pain she was in after they removed it.

When the doctors were finished, Jane and I walked in the room. We both grabbed a chair and pulled it up next to the bed. Lexi watched me sit down next to her and she slowly reached her arm out for me. As I carefully held her hand, I asked her, "Hey honey. How you feeling?"

Lifting her head, she barely opened her mouth to say something, but a quiet moan came out instead. She laid her head back down onto the pillow as she looked over at Jane.

"It's okay baby, you're safe now," Jane whispered as she reached over to hold Lexi's other hand. Turning to me, she spoke, "I wonder what her strength level is."

"Lexi, honey, do me a favor. I want you to squeeze my hand as hard as you can, okay?" I asked.

Jane and I kept looking at each other until I felt Lexi's hand squeeze mine. A few minutes have gone by and Lexi laid there, looking confused as she tried to process my request. Before we knew it, I began to feel a little bit of pressure on my hand. 

I looked down at Lexi and smiled, "Good job, Lexi. You're going to be just fine."

"Ma...Mau..." Lexi mumbled, looking over at me.

"Yes, honey, I'm right here. I'm not going to leave you, I promise," I replied as she closed her eyes. Turning back to Jane, I whispered to her, "Let's give her some time to sleep. Wanna go get lunch at the caf?"

"Yeah, let's go."