Trapped With Him

Chapter 17: June 3rd

It has been days since I spent New Year's drinking vodka with Catherine, and Sam still managed to pop up in my mind. I didn't like remembering that night, it was one of the worst ones in my entire life. It felt good to finally tell someone about it, even if it was the alcohol speaking. But ever since, I've thinking about him, having nightmares and re-living that horrible night over and over again.

I have been lying on this dirty couch for about an hour, just staring at the ceiling and thinking of memories. Kane was out selling stuff with Jax, Ace was taking a nap in the other room, and the others were upstairs. It was nice to finally be alone, in silence.

I hated thinking of it. I hated it. I didn't want to do it. Ever. But it couldn't leave my mind until I replayed it all in my head. The mind is an evil thing. It was hard to rule it, and it was easy to let it rule you. Sometimes you needed to let it, just to win some piece afterwards. And sometimes, our own head was the worst place to be in. Maybe it was because I still felt guilty. Maybe it was because I still couldn't get over it.
But when you lose someone you love, forever, would you ever be able to heal completely?

I was 17, young, excited, lively. I was a teenager who didn't really care about being like others. I was myself, hated by some and loved by some. But I didn't care. I had myself, and most importantly I had my family. The one thing I wouldn't exchange for anything in the world.

I had my mother, who never judged me, tried to understand my decisions before judging them, and was my shoulder to cry on. I had my father, who protected his little girls at every cost, taught me how to love while he gave every little piece of love he had, to me, my sister and my mother. I had my little sister. My sister, whom I saw as the biggest gift I could ever get. She made me laugh when I was drowning in my teenage-sorrows, stuck to me even to the point where I got annoyed, and was open to learning new things, especially from her big sister. She was so young, so excited to see what the world has to offer. There were so many things she wanted to do, like traveling to Belgium, going to Disneyland, visiting the world's biggest zoo, and the one thing she always wanted: Becoming a dancer.

All our opportunities were limited. It wasn't easy living in an expensive city like New York City, especially when it came to finding a job. My mother cleaned houses, coming home with shaky hands with wounds on them from scrubbing and all the cleaning tools. My father was a truck driver, working almost all the time, not even getting paid enough. Even though it was hard, we didn't have that much money, we found a way. We had each other at least, and when we were together, we forgot all of our problems and made the best out of our situation. Even the littlest opportunities we had, were taken away a day before Lani's 11th birthday, june 3rd.

Flashback

❞Girls, I'm home!❞ I heard mom shout from downstairs.

I immediately threw my science-book on the bed and started running downstairs, competing with Lani for who hugs mom first when she comes home, as always. I ran down the slippery, wooden stairs, making squeaking sounds with every step I took. As I came down, I saw my beautiful mom being hugged by Lani, who now made a grimace, sticking her tongue out at me.

I approached them, ❞It's just because you already were downstairs.❞ I claimed, being the bad loser I am.

Mom smiled at our nonsense, hugging us both at the same time.

❞How has your day been, mom?❞ I asked and helped her carry her bags.

She looked tired. Her hands were shaking, and her dark circles seemed to become darker with every breath. I knew she was exhausted, she needed rest.