Amateur Edition

IN RETROSPECT (17/10/18)

A/N: In Retrospect will be available for a limited amount of time.

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"Do you deserve to be here?"

The question rang in my ears as if a siren alerting me of its importance.

My eyes focused on the blue ball of light in front of me. Streaks of electricity coursed through its centre, causing hesitation on my own part.

The silence in the room was deafening, it almost swallowed me whole.

I exhaled sharply, reaching forward to grasp the foreign object in my hands. It was weightless, the energy radiated created a light surface that I wanted to handle with extreme care. I was never good at judgement, and my objective seemed like a curse more than a blessing or 'valuable opportunity'.

They said I needed to understand, and then answer.

I wasn't ready.

White light filled my vision as I crushed the ball of light in my hands. The faint glow escaped my fingers and began to spark brightly causing my field of view to become distorted. I felt lightheaded and tried to reach for the wooden podium it was one on in front of me, but missed.

Falling face forward into nothing is a strange feeling; similar to the one you get in your gut when going on a tall ride at an amusement park. Then it stopped. I fell to the ground, gasping for air, attempting to focus.

I placed my hands over my eyes to shield my view from the blinding amount of white in this room. I stood up shakily, my body felt heavy and my heart raced.

I looked up to a seemingly never-ending corridor was plastered with doors. Each one, I hazily remember being told, held a memory.

Taking a careful step forward, my eyes focused on the identical golden detailing each door displayed.

I slowly approached no door in particular, an unfamiliar design covered the door and its golden knob stood out from the white background.

I reached for its handle and slowly twisted. It swung open inwards and I stood paralysed by the light emitting from the doorway. It slowly dimmed out and distant outlines became visible.

Stepping forward slightly, I squinted my eyes to try and make out the moving figures in front of me.

I watched as a young girl came into view. In her small hands, she skilfully twirled a pointed stick. Suddenly a voice called out and the small girl turned around.

The instant realisation washed over me as I came to the conclusion, she was me. Her light brown eyes shone from the sun as she awaited an approaching figure from my right.

My younger self didn't realise the small boy from behind her and I went to instinctively call out to her but the boy alerted her of his presence when he stepped on a dry leaf, and that's when she swung.

I stepped back in horror, covering my mouth with my hands as the boy fell to the floor. The adult figure rushed to the boys' aid and my former self stood nonchalantly.

The stick was ripped from her grasp and the adult scolded me. I noted my calmness in this horrific situation, the fact that I shrugged when they asked why I was even holding this stick in the first place.

The image started to fade as the adult picked up the young bleeding boy in their hands.

I slowly backed out of the doorway, closing it tightly.

I didn't understand what this meant, was I aggressive? Violent? Is that why I am here?

I turned around, deciding to enter the door directly opposite this one.