I Hate My Brother (editing!)

14.

"How're the both of you doing though?"

"Like I told you," she shrugs. "She's still closed off as ever, other than asking about school related crap. I tried actually holding a convo with her and all she answers are 'Mmm', 'yeah' or a head nod."

I haven't met Paige yet, but I guess I can relate to her a little seeing as that was exactly how I acted after things went south with my friendship and relationship one year ago. "Give her more time. It's only been a week, yeah? Maybe we can try getting her to hang with us during lunch."

"Yeah, perhaps." She puts down her phone, staring into space. I resume gobbling down the delicious omelette, letting silence fill the air.

"Okay, I'll bite." Cass says after awhile, scooting nearer to me. "Is it okay if I ask you why there's so many painkillers in your drawer? Like literally, you have all kinds of them stocked up."

I let out a laugh, turning to face her. "Is that why you were acting weird? You thought I'm suicidal or something?"

"No, of course not! I was just trying to come up with reasons why someone would need that many. But I- I drew a blank."

"Relax, I promise you I'm not trying to die or anything." I chuckle, wrapping an arm around her shoulder. "That," I point towards the direction of said drawer, "is something you'll find out sooner or later anyway."

"Jeez, this is making me anxious."

"So, you remember I told you I had a miscarriage?" She nods. "Right. After I got my period back, I realized my body changed. The cramps I get during my cycle got a lot more intolerable. Hot water bag or chocolates no longer work. It got so, so bad that I needed painkillers every four hours. And honestly, the pills don't make the cramps go away. It lessens, just that little bit. The worst one, just a few months ago, I had to drag myself to ER just to get a morphine jab."

"Seriously?"

"Mmhmm. That's why there's so many different painkillers in there. Now you know, expect me to MIA for at least two days each month. I usually won't be able to function on the first two days."

Cass lets out a laugh, startling me. "Thank God! I genuinely assumed the worst."

———
"Stop looking at pullovers, will you just try this damn dress?" Cass shoves a hanger to my chest, a strapless little black dress with a large slit at the side clipped to it.

"Why would I even need this shit?" I counter, the both of us having already spent twenty-five minutes in this store. "I'm not buying anymore clothes just to keep them for three years later."

"Buy it, and I'll make sure I find an occasion for you to wear it."

"I'm unconvinced. What are you plotting in your head?"

"I'm not telling you until you try it. So go!" She shoves me into the dressing room, drawing the curtains and guarding right outside.

I lift the dress up in my hands, carefully taking it off the hanger and undress myself. Being constantly hidden behind large, baggy pullovers has an advantage; you don't realize how much fat you've gained until you try fitting into a body-hugging dress. I stare into the full-length mirror, noticing my tummy protuding more than usual. I look like I have a three-month-old food baby, and that's not at all a good thing considering it probably is what it is. I've been eating way too much.

"Come out whenever you're ready!" Cass shouts from outside.

I pull the curtains back, stepping out in the dress insecurely. It isn't so much about my body —all it takes is sucking in and holding it there for the tummy to temporarily vanish, but the fact my wrists are uncovered. Excluding the times at home where I lounge in pyjamas or a large t-shirt, I've always made sure I wear long sleeved tops or a jacket. And now, standing here with my wrists bare makes my stomach churn.