The Vampire Diaries

Family Ties

Damon: I just wanna let you know - they caught the culprit. The animal responsible for killing coach Tanner and all those people.

Stefan: What are you talking about?

Damon: It was a mountain lion. (makes gesture) A really big one. It attacked a hunter this morning - it's all over the news. 'Deadly beast captured. All is well in Mystic Falls.'Damon: What's so special about this Bella girl, anyway? Edward's so whipped.

Caroline: You have to read the first book first, otherwise it won't make sense.

Damon: Ugh, I miss Ann Rice - she was so on it.

Caroline: Hey, how come you don't sparkle?

Damon: Because I live in the real world where vampires burn in the sun.

Caroline: Yeah, but you go in the sun.

Damon: I have a ring, it protects me. Long story.

Caroline: Are these bites going to turn me into a vampire?

Damon: It's more complicated than that. You have to feed on my blood, then die, then feed on a human - it's a whole ordeal. This book, by the way, has it all wrong.Stefan: Can't touch her now.

Damon: Well, the vervain keeps me out of her head. Maybe that's not my target. Believe it or not, Stefan, some girls don't need my persuasion. Some girls just can't resist my good looks, my style, my charm... and my unflinching ability to listen to Taylor Swift. (stabs Stefan in the stomach)

Damon: This is John Varvatos, dude. Dick move.Damon: I like being the eternal stud.

Stefan: Yes, being a one hundred and fifty year old teenager has been the height of my happiness.

Damon: I'm not some drunk sorority chick. You can't roofie me.Damon: I'm going to have to go to the party upset. Who knows what I'll do?Stefan (narrating): The real animal is still out there. Waiting for me, challenging me to fight back to stop him. But how do I stop the monster without becoming one myself?Logan: I know you. You have a lot more insults in you, I can tell.

Jenna: Your hairline's receding.

Logan: No, it's not. You wanna have lunch?

Jenna: Nope.

Logan: You haven't changed a bit.

Jenna: Oh, yes I have. I'm meaner now.

Caroline: (looks at Stefan and Elena) They look so cute together.

Damon: Don't talk, please.

Elena: Look, you're the mystery guy and I like that. But with mystery comes secrets...and this thing with Katherine...

Stefan: You know, let it go. I don't wanna talk about it.

Elena: Well, then say something about yourself. Anything. Otherwise, I'm left with nothing but what other people tell me.Stefan: Look, there are things that you don't know, okay? Things that I want to tell you but I can't, and I may never be able to...and I just need you to trust me.

Elena: Trust is earned - I can't just magically hand it over.

Stefan (narrating): I did what I had to do...to protect Elena...to protect everyone. Yes, Damon, the headline reads: "Deadly beast captured. All is well in Mystic Falls."