Bad Boy Knows My Secret (BxB)

58 - It's Complicated

"I can help you..." Andrew's hopeful tone wasn't enough to cheer me up unfortunately. "I want to help you."

"I'm afraid of letting you down the most..." I backed away. "I know you love me and I'm trying my best to return your feelings. I just don't know how."

"But why?" Andrew's disappointed voice was something I desperately didn't want to hear.

I know I'm letting him down but what else can I do?

It's such a huge burden knowing he's unhappy because of what I said but I just can't feel what I'm not feeling...

I can't lie anymore...

I have to be honest.

"I don't know..." I exhaled roughly. "I'm just so confused."

"You seemed fine to me the last time we talked. What changed?" Andrew seemed disoriented.

"I'm so sorry." I couldn't look him in the eye. "I know you've been so patient with me and you deserve better."

"Is there something I can do?" Andrew asked

"Can you please give me a little bit more time?" I felt so awful saying that, knowing how long he had already waited. "Just give me two weeks..." I finally made a decision. "If I don't give an answer to you by then that means you don't have to wait for me anymore... Or if you don't want to wait at all I guess we can just go our separate ways from now on..."

It was hard saying those words out loud but I knew it wouldn't be righteous to ask Andrew to be patient with me for longer than that. He was also a person with real emotions. I also had to take that into the consideration.

I understood what he was asking from me but I wasn't sure if I would be able to give that to him so asking him to wait for indefinitely would be very unethical and selfish.

"No... I'll wait..." Andrew quickly agreed to my 'plan' which was surprising. "But are you sure there's no way I'll be able to help you? I feel like I'm not doing enough."

"You've already done more than enough." I said. "I just don't think it's fair to you to be treated like this. You deserve someone who can fully embrace your love and until I become that person I don't think our relationship will work out. I need to find out who I am as an individual before I start dating because I'm afraid that it might fail. I don't want our relationship to end because of me. I want it to last for a really, really long time."

"Ugh..." Andrew was trying his hardest to hide how frustrated he was but I could still see he wasn't particularly happy with the way things turned out. "You know that all I want is you to be happy and if you say you need me to stay away from you then I'll respect your wish... Even though I really don't want to do that..."

I was honestly not expecting him to be this considerate and tender with my proposal because the old Andrew would never do that. But I guess I should have already forgotten about the old Andrew because he was someone I thought I knew when in reality he was hiding his true identity just like me.

I'm probably being hypocritical when I'm asking him to wait for me. I mean I was the one who got angry when I found out he didn't reveal his true feelings towards me earlier but now he's being so nice and I can't even accept his devotion.

Ugh... I'm a mess, aren't I?

"I'm sorry but I really have to go back now..." I mentioned once I recalled the incident that recently occurred to me. "I really don't want to sound rude but this is urgent..."

"Oh..." Andrew seemed disappointed but he tried to disguise his real emotions. "I'll walk you to your car then..."

"Uh... okay." I murmured under my breath.