Divine (A Josh Devine Fanfic)

Chapter 29

I hope you guys like this chapter... I'm kind of nervous about posting it. Please comment and tell me what you think.

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(Claire’s POV)

As I lay wide awake in bed that night, I couldn’t help but let my mind race all around. I could only hope that everything would go all right tomorrow. Hopefully Josh would understand. I end up falling asleep for a couple hours, but I woke up in the middle of the night. I couldn’t get myself to go back to sleep, and I ended up tossing and turning for the majority of the night, getting little bits of sleep here and there.

When I wake up at 7, an hour before visiting hours start at the hospital, I drag myself into the bathroom for a quick shower. After I’m dressed and ready to go, I walk out into the living room to see Niall sitting on the couch. It was a good thing I didn’t walk around the flat naked. He always seemed to just show up and let himself in as he pleased.

“Can you give me a ride today?” He asks. I nod and go to the kitchen, to grab a granola bar to eat for breakfast. My shaky hands grip the steering wheel of the car tight as I drive to the hospital. I swear I could hear my heart beating. Niall and I didn’t say much to one another, which was fine by me. I was too scatterbrained to focus on a conversation at the moment.

After I park in my usual spot in the parking garage, I turn and head inside, but Niall stops me. “Claire, no matter what happens in there just remember that you’re my best friend and I love you. Not like that, but as a friend. I’ll always be here for you, even if Josh isn’t.” He pulls me into a hug. I bury my head in his chest and take a few deep breaths. “Thank you, Niall.” I say when he lets me go.

We walk slower than usual to the room. I usually would speed walk down the corridor, because I couldn’t wait to see Josh’s smiling face. Today, though, I felt like a knife was stabbing me in the stomach as I thought about him. I try to picture his smile and remember it, because I probably wasn’t going to see it a lot after today.

Niall and I both hesitate outside Josh’s door. “Are you ready for this?” He asks me and rests his hand on the door handle. I nod and feel my stomach twist. We both walk into the room and are greeted by Josh giving us the biggest of grins. Please stop. I think to myself. Josh was making this harder for me than it needed to be.

“Good morning guys! How are you doing?” He asks and sits up. He was going to kill me with his happiness. “I’m okay…” I sit down and watch Niall sit on the other side of the bed. That was probably a good idea.

“We have something we need to tell you.” He says and looks down into his lap. I saw him glance toward me. “I’ve, well I mean, we’ve been meaning to tell you this for awhile, but we couldn’t find the right time. You’re just so happy, and we don’t want to see that change, but you need to know the truth.” I pause and look up at him. His eyebrows are furrowed and he’s anxiously chewing on his lip.

“The night we found out you ‘died’, we did something we’re ashamed of… we slept together….” I trail off. Did I dare to look at him? I bring myself to. The look on his face shatters my heart.

(Josh’s POV)

“…we slept together…” Claire says as she looks at the ground. My heart sinks hard and fast. She looks at me and her face crumbles. “How could you? I thought you loved me!” I yell, feeling anger wash over my whole body. “The moment I’m gone, you go and bang my best friend! Do I mean nothing to you?” Tears immediately form in her eyes as I spat the words out at her. I was more angry with Claire than Niall.

“Josh, that’s not it! I was lonely and depressed! I needed to be comforted! I was seriously not thinking straight.” Tears stream down her face as she grabs one of my hands. I pull it out of her grip and then cross my arms. “I love you with all my heart! Those few days when I thought you were dead were the worst parts of my life. You will never experience what I did or feel what I felt.” She did have a point. “Did having sex with Niall make you feel better? Did you feel like a better person afterwards? I just don’t understand how you could just forget about me that fast…” I say a bit softer.

Sorrow took the place of my anger. Tears stung my eyes, but I promised myself that I wouldn’t cry. “I could never forget about you, Josh! You’re the love of my life! You’re the only thing that’s been on my mind this whole month! I did it because other things were running through my head and being with Niall kept those thoughts out of my head.” She hold onto my arm. This time I didn’t shake it off.

“What thoughts were you having?” I ask in a light tone. She pulls her hand back and looks away. “Claire, tell me.” I demand. Her eyes brim with new tears as she looks me painfully in the eyes. “I was thinking of killing myself. I couldn’t stand living life without you.” She whispers, her voice thick with tears.

“I’m so sorry, Josh. I shouldn’t have let this happen in the first place. I wasn’t going to give in to her, but I did.” Niall says. I had almost forgot he was here. Anger was stirred up inside me again. The image of Niall and Claire laying naked pressed up against each other, made me want to hurt him. It was just like the nightmare I had. Now I was living it.

“I hate you.” I say to him. “I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I’m your friend. Even if I was dead, you shouldn’t have done that. You always had a crush on Claire.” I can’t even bring myself to look at the guy I thought was my best mate. I guess I was wrong about a lot of things in life. “Josh…” Niall says but then I gasp, interrupting him.

“Are you pregnant with his baby?” I look over at Claire who is convulsing in sobs. “I honestly don’t know.” Her bloodshot eyes gaze at me with the saddest look I’ve ever seen on someone. I close my eyes as I feel more tears coming on. “I can’t believe this…” I murmur and rub my eyes roughly. “I just… I can’t…” This was the worst feeling in the world. I hated not knowing. “I’m going to get a paternity test done.” She explains to me.

What if she took the test and it turned out to be Niall’s? Things would never be the same. I still loved her. That would never change. “I’m sorry. Please understand. Just imagine if you were put in my shoes.” Her hand rubs against my arm. If she was trying to comfort me, she wasn’t doing a very good job of it. “I wouldn’t have gone and slept with someone else! I would never do that to you!” I exclaim and lean my head back. The pressure building up in my head was unbearable. It felt like I could burst at any time.

“I’m so so so so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I didn’t do this purposely. I love you. Only you. You’re the man I want to be with. You’re the one who I want to be the father of my child. I know I fucked up big time, and I can understand if you don’t forgive me right away, but please remember that I love you.” She grabs my hand and leaves a kiss on the back of it. The place where her lips touched felt like I’ve been electrified.

Tears gush out of me. I love her with all my heart, and part of me wants to forgive her. Then another part of me was still fuming about the fact that she shared something so intimate with Niall when I wanted all to myself.

“Can you please leave now?” I whisper and lay down. “We need to work this out.” Claire’s chin quivers. I tried to not look at her. Seeing her cry, made me feel even worse. “I just need some time to myself right now.” I close my eyes, hoping they’d take that as a sign that I was done. “I love you.” Claire says before standing up and leaving the room with Niall.

After they were gone, emotions flood over me. I sob hard, feeling my chest ache. How could things go so good to so terrible in just a split second?