Living with Ana (slowly editing)

Chapter 26~ teardrops on photographs

Hi I can't fall asleep yay!

Taylor

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River's pov

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I stare at my ceiling for hours retracing the whole day.

I've lost my perfect girl, I think.

After getting sick of my white ceiling I decide to get out of bed. As soon as my feet touch the icy floor I bolt to the theatre room. Skimming through the CDs I decide on The Breakfast Club. Sasha's favourite.

If she was alive what would she be up to? Probably out partying with cheer friends.

I then focus back on the the screen in front of me.

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I wake up face into the seat. Stretching my sore muscles from the position they slept in I turn the screen off and head upstairs.

It's bright, sun just coming up, showing I got hardly any sleep. Grabbing a bowl I make myself breakfast then walk to my room.

I sit on my bed quietly munching on my ceral. Instincts would of made me check if Amberly texted, me but I remembered we are in a little fight, at the moment. I stare at my picture wall of Sasha and I. Going to the right you could see Sasha getting sicker and sicker, then soon all she was was bones. But that's what she wanted didn't she? I huff walking up to my favourite picture of us. It's of me in my football uniform and her in her cheer costume after my team just won state championships. We are both bright and smiling. This is when Sasha was healthy no sign of her starving herself. I shine the picture in my head light to see scribbles on the back, flipping the photo over I see writing that I recognize instantly.

Hey Riv,

I know you'll be mad at me for writing on you're favourite pictures but I needed to. By the time you find out about these notes I'll probably be gone. I just wanted to say I'm sorry for putting you through so much pain. You tried everything to help. But really at the point why would I listen to my younger brother. Go on in life and don't do anything stupid. I'll be watching you from heaven.

Love always,

Sash.

I couldn't help but stare up at the sky for a moment, trying to push back the tears. Standing up I check the other pictures and of course there is writing on them, too. Some for me. Some for others. I still read them all. I decide to call up Brookie because she is really the only one that answers her phone.

Hey River," her voice on the other end answers.

"Hey come by my house I need to show you something,"

"Sasha?"

"Yep" I end the call then wait for her to come.

The door bell rings in a few minutes after our chat. She follows me to my room excited to see what I found.

"Sasha wrote notes to people on the back of my pictures. I haven't noticed until now," I spread the pictures around for her to get a look. She picks up the one with her name and reads it out loud.

"Brooklyn, where do I even start. When I first met you we were about 6 and you insisted to be called Brookie. You're my closest best friend. And I'm sorry to leave you in the world without me. I was selfish. I'm going to miss you when I'm gone, Sasha," Brookie is full on crying tears flow down her face like streams, mascara coming down with them.

"OMG I'm a wreck. OMG, sorry River," she laughs a little then sits down on my bed beside me picture in her hand. She flips over to see the photo.

Her picture is of Anorexic Sasha with me. We are both dressed up for a party. Brooke's sixteenth birthday. The day we both insisted she ate something. That was the first time she are a full meal in 6 months. And it was the last.

"OMG OMG OMG," Brookie drops the photo on the ground and starts crying even more. I wrap an arm around her. "It's just so hard." She cries.her glossy eyes staring into mine.

"Trust me try feeling like this every single day,"

"I wouldn't have been able to live," she replies trying to calm her breathing and her tears.

"Trust me I've thought about about that before,"

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Lots of crying in this chapter.

Taylor.