Destiel One-shots

Boondock Baby

"Dean, when was the last time you looked under the seats of this car?" Cas questioned.

"I don't know," Dean offered. He glanced over at Cas. "Why? What'd you find?" 

"A little bit of everything." He held up the army men.

"Oh my god," Dean grinned. "Sam used to play with those all the time. There's still one stuck in the ashtray."

"A lot of wrappers and bottle caps," Cas went on. "Oh, and this." He held up the condom and raised an eyebrow.

"Has it been opened?" Dean asked.

"No. It looks like it's been here awhile though."

"We should see if it still works." 

"I don't think you should test expired contraceptive devices, Dean."

"Why not? Better then nothing."

"I don't think we need a repeat of your time with the Amazon Warrior-"

"Hey, that was NOT my fault."

"Are you sure about that?"

"I did not know she was an Amazon."

"Suuuure," Cas rolled his eyes and held up the name tag. "Who's Shelly?"

"Shelly?" Dean thought for moment, then shrugged. "Not me. Must have been Sam."

"I don't know whether to be concerned or slightly horrified."

"Hey, a bug's gotta do what a bug's gotta do."

"Ew. What about this?" He held up the rusted pocket knife.

"No way!" Dean rushed over, taking the knife from him. "This was my first pocket knife! Dad gave it to me when I was six. I gave it to Sam on his sixth birthday- we thought he lost it in the Rockys when we were working a case there." Dean glanced inside the car. "What else is lurking in there?"

"Uh," Cas dug under the seat again as Dean headed for the front seat, grabbing the box of cassette tapes and shifting through them. Cas frowned and pulled out a small, slightly crushed tin box. "What's this?" He asked, sitting down in the car. Dean turned and frowned.

"I don't know. Open it." He offered. Cas opened it up carefully, only to find a small stacks of pictures.

"Photos," Cas commented, picking them up and looking at the first one.

"Photos?" Dean echoed. There weren't many pictures of the Winchesters and their life, so it was always nice to turn up more. Dean climbed into the backseat with Cas to take a look.

The first picture was of Sam and Dean, in their early teens from the looks of it. Both boys were sporting black t-shirts, jeans, sunglasses, and black pea coats. They were posed ridiculously, but they were both grinning like idiots.

"Oh my gosh," Dean murmured. "This is from the Boondocks Saints phase! I completely forgot about this!"

"The what phase?" Cas questioned, raising an eyebrow.

"There was this movie," Dean explained. "It was called the Boondock Saints, and it was about these two Irish brothers who went around killing evil people. They dressed just like this and before they'd kill the last evil guy in the room, they'd put him on his knees and say this family prayer they had. It was a great movie, and Sam and I got a little obsessed with it because it reminded us of our own lives. So for like three years, we dressed like these dudes and acted like them whenever we were on a hunt. Dad never let us do the prayer part because it was too risky to think a monster would just stay still while you went on a monologue and then killed it, but he let us put pennies over the eyes of the dead monsters, and we got matching guns to use. It was great."

"That sounds.....horrifying, yet adorable." Cas offered.

"We should really start dressing like them again- I rocked pea coats. Ooooo, you could be our Rocco!" 

"I have no idea what a Rocco is, but I don't think I'd want to be one."

"Okay fine, then you're Agent Smecker. How do you feel about cross-dressing for justice?"

"....I need to watch this movie."

"Yes you do. There's a sequel too, but it's not as good."

"The sequel's are never as good as the original."

"Very true. Come on, I wanna show this to Sam, and then we are totally watching Boondock Saints so you understand."

"Can I pick who I want to be after I see it?"

"Yes, your options are Rocco or Smecker, because Bobby is II Duce, and I refuse to let you be Dectective Greenly."

"What's wrong with Greenly?"

"He's an idiot. You'll see."

So, after rewatching the movie and letting Sam and Dean reminisce, the boys invested in a pair of pea coats, and started dressing like the Boondock Saints again.

And then, while working a Shapeshifter case, the boys got a great idea.

"Dude, we have to do the Boondock Saints thing!" Dean declared.

"What, the prayer? No." Sam objected.

"Why not?"

"Because I don't want to get murdered by a shapeshifter because we were to busy quoting a movie to kill him!"

"Just this once, Sammy, come on."

"No."

"You know it would be the most epic thing we've ever done."

"I dunno, we've done some pretty epic things in the past."

"Pleeeeeeaaaassse," Sam rolled his eyes.

"Alright, fine. But if we die, I'm blaming you."

"Deal."

So, after tracking down the shapshifter, Sam and Dean loaded their guns with silver bullets and forced the monster down on his knees.

"You remember the words?" Dean questioned.

"Of course I remember the words," Sam declared. They pointed the guns at the back of the shapeshifter's head, and recited in perfect unison.

"And shepherds we shall be, for thee my Lord, for thee. Power hath descended forth from thy hand, Our feet may swiftly carry out thy commands. So we shall flow a river forth to thee. And teeming with souls shall it ever be. In nomine patri et filii spiritus sancti." And then they pulled the trigger, letting the dead shapeshifter slump to the ground.

"Happy now?" Sam asked. Dean grinned.

"YES!" He proclaimed. "THAT WAS AWESOME!!!" Sam rolled his eyes.

"Whatever." Dean held up a hand and Sam shook his head. "No."

"Come on," Dean urged.

"No." Sam repeated.

"Just high five me, Bitch."

"Jerk." Sam reluctantly high fived his brother.

"Vertias,"

"Aequitas."