I'm Just Silent (Boyxboy)

86

Chapter Eighty-Six

~ Make me Happy~

Dre

After Dakota had left I sat down and smiled after the whole day. I felt like i could breathe after my brother left. It felt like I was keeping a dirty secret but Dakota didn't have to know.

"Hello Dre." My therapist said knocking on my door. I turned and smiled to her and nodded. She smiled back and sat down on the small chair in my room.

"I wanted to check in with you after your day out ask you how it was." She asked. I nodded and smiled. She pulled out our little note book and gave me the best pen ever. I wrote to her and told her about my day and left out the details I knew she wouldn't like. I thought about me and Charlie and how we had sex.

It was nothing like what my father had done to me. It was nice, it was clean, it felt right, it didn't feel like I had to pretend or have to sit there. I had every opportunity to say no and Charlie would have stopped and that's the only thing I needed to understand and know that I had.

"I am so happy your day was good Dre. Its nice to see you happy again." She said putting her hair back. "I also have some information on the meetings with your father. I have decided its okay that I sit in there with you and that you only have twenty five minutes instead of an hour." She said. She sighed and shook her head.

"Your next meeting with him is next week. I cancelled the meeting for this week and I figured you would like to have a break from that child." She said.

"I also have a few questions." She said pointing to my neck. I felt my cheeks heat up almost instantly.

"Was that consensual?" She said simply. I nodded quickly and felt the tears in my eyes burn. How did sshe figure this out! I hid everything.

"Dre, I am not saying I have a problem with your sex life and what you do. But as your therapist, I have to tell you that right now in your life you should not be having sex. Do you want to hear my opinion on it?" She asked me. I nodded actually curious as to why I still cant make my own choices even here.

"Dre, you have been molested by your father since you were five or six years old. Do you know why people have sex?" She asked me. I froze in my spot on the edge of my bed forgetting how I even got there from the chair that I was sitting in. I was frozen, I didnt know how to reply to her.

'Sex is for the other person to feel good.' I wrote. She read it and sighed. She shook her head and gave me a sad look. Why would she look at me like that ? Isnt that the whole point?

"Dre, sex is suppose to be love, happy, eased, wanted on both sides." She mentioned before she continued I scribbled quickly.

' I did want it! I said it was okay!'

"Yes, but you don't understand what sex is or what it means. You are in a state of mind that's normal. Many survivors of sexual predatory behavior from parental guidance often act upon the feelings they have for other people. For instance, I had a patient who loved this boy and she was getting sexually molested by her parents every day for about twenty years. She then was thankfully taken out of the house and put into a kind house and she and her boyfriend began to live their lives. But when it came to sex, behaviors, she really struggled had sex with him out the sheer fact that that was all she's ever known, she gave him sex to pleasure him, make him happy and try to be happy her self. But all it did was kill her because she was not mentally ready to handle and accept that sex is not meant for one person but both. She didn't know how to feel emotionally and physically. I don't think you understand that either." She said simply.